Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Lessons from Bridget Jones

This is one of my top 5 movies. I love it because the girl is a complete social retard (as I am wont to be at times) and Colin Firth still likes her “just as she is.” I want a guy to like me just as I am!! Even with blackouts, too much drinking, and dumb irreverent text messages (see all prior posts). Bridget and I are soul sisters. Wish me luck to get my Colin Firth.

So, this post is dedicated to Bridge. We frequently think of the woman who is beautiful and has a string of steady admirers lined up to take her to fancy restaurants and swanky bars as the queen of dating, and in an enviable position. But then, when I have a steady stream of potential suitors, it’s like I can’t make up my mind whom I like well enough to actually dedicate time to. I mean, that’s time I could be spending with Sadie. Or straightening up my house. Or going to the gym. Practicing “self-care” as the author of my new self-help book calls it. What is this all about? Bridget. . .?

Remember when she holds up the G-string panties as she dresses for her book dedication party and thinks “at crucial moment, these panties would be quite attractive.” Then she holds up the huge girdle, “But chances of getting to crucial moment is greatly increased by these stomach-holding-in panties, fancied by grannies the world over.” I am reminded of this thought when I consider whether to accept a date this week with someone who is nice, attractive, smart, etc. and . . .well, I just really could not be much less interested in him. The only times in my life I’ve ever taken dates just to take them is when I’ve been so utterly miserable from the length of time since my last one, and just need one to remind myself what it’s like. And once I do it, I think “what a waste of time. I would’ve rather been cross-stitching and watching SVU.” I’m sure this wouldn’t be like that. He’s a nice guy. But is it wrong to think, while going to a nice restaurant every once in a while is nice, and drinking on a Tuesday is merited at times, that generally, in the middle of the week, I would rather engage in temperate behavior, moderation in eating and drinking, and regularly hauling my behind to the gym those 4 or 5 days, to greatly increase the chances that I can afford to expend the calories and energy and motivation I’ve been cultivating all week come the time to really have fun, on the weekend. With the new guy or even just my girlfriends? Chances of getting to date with hot guy I’m falling for are greatly increased by not engaging in 5 course meals with lukewarm guy just on principle that I’m not dating hot guy exclusively (yet). So while “dating” in theory looks like the attractive fancy G-string, the type of “dating” I want to achieve is better advanced by busting out the granny panties, doing my sit-ups and cardio during the week, and turning down dates with lukewarm guy. But I know I should go.

I just don’t see the point in wasting my dog time, my me time, my Tivo time, my calories, or my buzz. . .on someone I’m not sure about. Oh shut up, Molly, it’s one date. I can already hear the angry posts from friends who haven’t been offered dates this week. (Ladies, move to Savannah. You’ll soon learn what a catch you are in a much more limited environment. It’s not me that’s so great, it’s just that the market is not exactly flooded with single, young, professional, yet still mildly attractive women.)

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