About something besides myself

I am endlessly irritated. I have this Friend: she's 30, she has a (really sweet) 5 year old from a previous marriage, she's pretty, she's in good shape, she outgoing and funny and fun to be around. And she's been dating this dud. I mean, he's just not nearly as outgoing as her. And when they were still together, I didn't hate the guy. He's fairly good-looking, and nice and everything. But he's obviously immature. He's never had a relationship last longer than 5 months, and you wonder if he's ever had a "grown-up" relationship at all. Friend tells me that he's never told a girl "I love you" except for her, and apparently, has only considered marriage at one other time (and it wasn't her. . .oddly). And Friend is very particular and choosy about who she dates and especially who she lets come around her little girl. She doesn't want to have to break up with a guy and Child to have to break up with him too. So, she makes the mistake of letting this guy (who has known her for over a year and knows she has a child "in" to her heart, if you will). . .and he knows how seriously she takes that.

Fastforward 6 months. The relationship has been on a rocks for a few weeks, at least. He's always saying stupid things, doing stupid things, she'll come and tell me what dumb, insensitive thing he did or how he emailed her and said X and she was irritated with him. Trouble in paradise. And frankly, at 6 months. . .it's TOO SOON for trouble in paradise. If you're having these stupid little petty disagreements, guess what? Maybe you don't work. I'm not trying to play like I'm the relationship guru. . .but sometimes, what doesn't work about a relationship is that you let petty little BS get to you. . .her view is, "But that's so easy to fix, why didn't he just tell me, we'll work at it, we love each other!" Friend, I say, sometimes what's "wrong" is that he can't/won't/doesn't want to work to fix it. And that's enough!! But I did nothing wrong, she says. Of course you didn't, I say, but sometimes what makes him not the right guy for you is NOT that you're not the right woman for him, but that HE CAN'T MAKE UP HIS FRIGGIN' MIND whether you are or not. And that's enough.

Two things: a) I'm 25 years old and after having a couple of relationships fail for no particular, discernible hard and fast reason other than they didn't work/the parties weren't happy, but there was seemingly no lack of "love," I have realized that. . .I want to be in a relationship where every day, each person wakes up and says, "Oh my God, I'm with HER/HIM, how friggin' lucky am I??" I am trying to get it through Friend's head that she deserves that too and that his uncertainty regarding the relationship would be enough to make me split. While it's hard to let a relationship go that you're put effort and tears and sweat and love into, you know what? Sunk Cost Theory isn't enough to save it. Let it go before you waste more time!! Sure, all relationships take work, but it shouldn't have to be this hard. . .especially before kids or affairs or separations or deaths of parents. . .all the "real" stuff that happens to "grown ups" that people in marriages have to stick it out through. I just feel like I'm too young to have to be in a relationship full of petty crap that the other person doesn't work just as hard as me to fix. . .(I'm speaking from not-too-stale experience).

b) I just called her. She's with him right now. Ok, wait. . .I bar-bysat you all last night, you couldn't find a single acceptable guy in the bar to talk to (not for a lack of contenders, may I add), I have tentatively blocked off my weekend to at least try to continue to make sure you have a good time and forget about this goober, and you're rushing headlong back into a situation that's been on-and-off for weeks?! Do you want to continue with that level of ambiguity and uncertainty, ESPECIALLY considering you have a child? Her view is, "He knew I had a child and now, Child is attached too." Well, get her unattached, Girl, and now, before she really GETS MORE ATTACHED and loses ANOTHER DADDY. I'm sorry, did I mention that #@$#face also told Friend that he wanted 2 children "of his own." That sends me off the deep end to no end. I want to pummel him. That's just biology, F$#@er.

Friend. . .by settling for less than complete, unfettered, unconditional love and affection. . .you're settling for that for Child too. And that pisses me off. Cut bait, NOW!! I know she has feelings for him. . .but. . .she is selling herself and her child short. . .and this back-and-forth crap is only setting her up for more misery. . .thoughts?