Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Thursday, May 27, 2004

On Kickball Fielding, New Friend, and New Crush

I feel very immature posting this post next to crusted oozy shit in her eyes (see below) but well, I have some thoughts I find it important to share.

Well, first things first. This is not an original thought, but a new friend I made said the funniest thing last night. She suggested that wouldn't it be great if someone invented a cell phone that doubled as a breathalyzer, that preventing you from calling out if drunk. Think how many drunk dialing accidents could be avoided!! I LOVE IT.

Secondly, new friend invited me out to play kickball (you heard me) at Forsyth with a bunch of other young professionals. The good news is, Sadie got to play with some other dogs, I got to play with some new friends too. The bad news is, I suck at kickball, having not played since about the age of 9, the "boys" were doing most of the fielding, so there was a lot of standing around for most of the gals (especially those who suck, like me), and this league of women sort of makes me feel physically attractively inferior.

To be fair, New Friend really is gorgeous--she's petite, she's blonde, and you can't even hate her cause she's hilarious and sweet. I'm not even sure the other girls are really prettier than me so much as they're just "new," so I automatically compare myself to them physically, since I know nothing else about them. I also (as Me will tell you, I have a fat girl hiding deep inside me) tend to equate prettiness with tall, thin, with no cellulite, which isn't necessarily true at all. Thinner girls are not necessarily prettier girls. But I was still feeling like my thighs were gi-normous in my athletic shorts. Ok, but I can get past this. . .I generally don't have very many hang-ups about my looks, I know I am attractive. . .and in time, as I get to know these girls, I'm sure that some will really be as attractive as I think they are, some might be less, and some might be more, depending on how good their personalities are (which is probably part of the reason New Friend really is gorgeous, cause she's funny and sweet as pie).

So, here's the neurotic guy part. There is this REALLY CUTE guy. I mean, several of the guys were cute, but this one stands out. However, I can't get behind the guy that stands out that all the other girls flock to. a) I don't mind competition, but not in my dating relationships, they're hard enough as it is. b) It HONESTLY makes a guy less attractive to me that has girls just all over him because of a) but MORE, because I really like a guy who only has eyes for me. That's what I love, a guy who is totally into me. And it's hard for the guy that is always the subject of girls' crushes to be that guy. The guys I date are usually not the guy every girl loves. I can't get behind "that guy." I just want the guy that I LOVE.

But I can't stop thinking about this cutie anyway. He has a black lab and I told him Sadie was really sort of into the inter-racial thing, but that's about as close as I went to hitting on him. Is is sick to fantasize that maybe we'll get to be friends, let our dogs play together, and then one day, he'll look at me and say, "You know, you're the least obvious choice cause you haven't been throwing yourself at me, and that. . .that I find attractive, more than these other women." Cause that's what he says in my head. (How ironic would that be? I won't go after him because other women are, and then, if he turned around and went after me cause I wouldn't chase him??) At any rate, I agree with Me's philosophy that chasing men is just not for me, cause I want one who can't live without me so much that he's just gotta chase me. Sigh. Still worth daydreaming about though.

But really, I know very little about the guy other than he's cute and tall with blue eyes. . .and a helluva good kickball player. I'm hoping I get to know him and he has a dud personality so I can get over my crush. I'm trying to get past the looks thing so much when choosing potential "dates," because I don't want to end up with someone I'm so fascinated with physically, I overlook the BS. I think I've been guilty of that before. But if he's cute and sweet and funny and we have a lot in common, oh geez, it's trouble. But I just have to tell myself, you know, if he's right for me, he won't be right for these other girls. . .and you should give it time to tell, rather than feeling (as I usually do) that I have to feel out a dating situation immediately. Patience, patience, patience.

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