Beauty Queen Super Model Ex Girlfriends

Reasons I don't live in Atlanta: the sheer impossibility of arriving at work by a semi-decent hour (9:20) if you laid in bed until 8:48 after 4 hour phone conversation with the boyfriend until 2 AM.

I found out about "the" girl last night, Ms. Twelve Years Ago. I thought it was going to be much more scandalous. It was very normal and disappointing. He loved and lost and realized he'd been an idiot to break up with her, so they got back together, but then when she broke up with him later, he realized it was for the best, she wasn't "the one" for him, and never tried to get her back, even though they still talk. Ok, well, that last part's kind of scandalous.

What's funny is, he told me about a week ago, when I took a call from my high school male friend, with whom things have always been platonic, that he had a "Grace" (as in, Will and Grace, "except I'm not gay"). And that he sort of had quit talking to her because she was always very negative and told him whenever he was dating someone, "Oh, I know you, and you're never going to commit, so why are you wasting this girl's time?" etc., things like that. I asked him, "Why would she say that? Does she have some kind of interest in you? Does she harbor feelings for you?" "Well, yeah, probably, a bit" he admitted. "Oh well duh, that's why. Of course she wants to believe you'll never committ to anyone else, if she can't have you." How very perceptive Little Miss Have You is. I put 2 and 2 together and asked last night, "Wait, is this your "Grace"?" Pause. "Yeah." I laughed. Well DUH.

And she didn't just tell him he's never going to commit. She told him that about me. She told him not to put too much stock into these feelings he was having, that she knew him and he would never commit to anyone, he was just incapable, emotionally fucked up, etc. Oh geez, I feel guilty for telling my ex similar things now. . .but I was able to uninterestedly say, "No, TJ, really. . .that sounds like some things I've said to my ex. . .and really, I just want to believe he'll never have a normal, functioning relationship because he left me, and couldn't commit to me, and I was hurt by that. . ." But TJ wasn't born yesterday, "Yeah, a) she's wrong, and if she knew the full story, all the stuff I've been doing, she'd see that this is different, and b) she's not being a very good friend to me if that's her attitude."

So, he says he doesn't talk to her that much, they'll just catch up every 5-6 months. So, on the one hand, I don't think his two-week-ago decision to not talk to her anymore is necessarily final, but on the other hand, how much of a threat can she really be? He doesn't appear to put much stock in what she says, and he pointed out that she has asked important questions and punched some holes in some of his less serious relationships (asking things like, "Are you going to marry her?" "No." "Then why are you with her?" etc.). But this time, he maintains, she's wrong. Oh well, time will tell, I guess. I hope if she pops up again 6 months from now and asks him if he's going to marry me, the answer is, "I just might" or something more assured.

He told me that he told me about her, even though he's NEVER told other girls he's dated about her, because he wants me to know he doesn't still carry a torch for her, and that although they've been friends all these years, he could've had her back at any time, and he never got back together with her. He told me that she had sort of brainwashed him into thinking there's one person out there for everyone, and he was hers, and he screwed that up, and he was the reason she can't maintain a normal relationship with a man now. . .I asked him, "Do you believe that?" "Not at all," he replied, "but she did a good job of brainwashing me for a while." I asked him, "Why didn't you ever try to get her back?" and I got the answer I wanted, "Cause she's not the one for me."

I'll end this post on an amusing note. TJ has called attention to the fact that I frequently refer to my exes by name, something he RARELY does (like, he did it ONCE). He said it sort of feels like they're still here. I said, "That's ridiculous. Some of the explicit details you give me about your exes, I could feel the same way, even if I don't know their names." So last night, he did it again, and I really don't think he sees the irony: "Well, I mean, I think a lot of my confusion and thinking that she was it for me had to do with the fact that she's a 5'11" blonde haired green-eyed Ms. Hawaiin Tropic beauty queen supermodel. . ." Ok, I'm exagerating only but slightly.

I said, "Can't she be a 5'2" fat stumpy girl?"
"I wouldn't have dated a girl like that, Miss Have You."
"Can't she at least be less pretty than me?"
"She is."
"Good answer."
"No really. Makeup and lighting does a lot for models. You look beautiful even first thing in the morning with fraggle hair."