Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Tier Theory: The Story Behind TJ

Miss O and I came up with a theory while in law school. It came about mainly as a result of a friend of my X, who would occasionally go out with us. Mr. T was short, shorter than me in heels, and he had a sort-of cute, boyish face, but not "handsome." He was blonde and blue-eyed, I think, and he had a good personality. I liked him. But inevitably, we would go out, I would pick out a cute girl, of about equal cuteness I would feel, and point out, "Hey why don't you talk to that girl?" Only to be told, "No, she's not really my type, I like THAT girl," wherein Mr. T would point to a 5'11" supermodel redhead goddess who he could never, ever, ever get. It started me to thinking. Why don't people understand who is and is not out of their league? Why don't people "get" how attractive they are and who's equivalently attractive? Why don't people understand that you MUST date within your attractiveness "tier"? Why did Miss O and I have to come up with a whole theory to explain this? (A: Because it's hilarious.)

Caveat: one can possibly be raised (or lowered) a tier based on abstract factors like personality or sense of humor. I have definitely had guys become less attractive as they opened their mouths, and vice versa. But by and large, Tier Theory is a PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS theory. Pretty couples travel in pairs for a reason. And if you're shooting too high above your "tier," (aka "tier jumping"), it's offensive for a number of reasons.

a) You're cheating the people who are actually in your tier out of the opportunity to date people who are tier appropriate. They then have to go down a tier. No one wants to tier downgrade.
b) It's arrogant. Why SHOULD you be able to get that ridiculous hot chick? YOU'RE not hot. What ENTITLES you to be able to get HOT people?

My "nemesis" does not know her tier. Hence, why she says things like, "Well, I really liked this guy, but just my luck, Miss Have You already met him." No, Nemesis, it has nothing to do with the fact that *I* already met him, more to do with the fact that I'm in his tier (or more likely, above it), and you're NOT. She doesn't know her tier. She couldn't get these guys regardless of whether I was foiling her plans or not.

You really should just adjust your meter of what's attractive to you based on how attractive you are. Shoot for what's attainable. I've found that as I get hotter and hotter, my ability to attract better-looking guys skyrockets, plus, my threshold for accepting less good-looking guys becomes less. But if I ballooned up and gained 50 pounds. . .guess what? I'd feel damn fortunate to get what to me, now, seems a tier downgrade.

Some of this is said tongue-in-cheek, but in all seriousness, I consider that people should generally date people who are in their tier. You don't go out with your hot friend, only to have him pick Diana Dowdy out at the bar. He picks out Sheena SuperHot. That doesn't mean YOU should. Know your tier. Know it well.

TJ, my monicker for the boyfriend, stands for Tier Jumper. I explained this theory to him on the phone before we ever met, thought he would think me unacceptably bitchy, but he found my theory both humorous and accurate. And now he always says he's tier-jumping. Let me assure you, I am pretty well convinced that every man before him was. . .but he is NOT. But it's great that he thinks so much of me that he thinks he is.

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