People in Glass Closets Shouldn't Throw Skeletons
Secrets. Everyone has them. Everyone has those things that no one knows, or only their closest, best friend knows. Or their closest 10 friends know, if you're me. When you're in a new relationship, there are things that are going to come out. For instance, for me, the fact that my brothers are gay. I'M not ashamed of it. I couldn't be with anyone who was. I tend to reveal that pretty quickly because I want to gauge the reaction. But then there are the really personal things. The illegitimate children. The ex-wife. The fact that you used to be a prostitute. A propensity for group sex. Six Toes on One Foot. A sexually violent past. Whether you've cheated. Bestiality for kicks. A third nipple. Things like that. (These examples are deliberately facetious, but please don't let the laughter obscure the message.)
There's a scene in the movie Donnie Darko where Jake Gyllenhaal's new girlfriend tells him that her stepdad has emotional problems, to which he joyously replies, "Oh me too! What kind does he have!?" There is something inherently relieving and satisfying to hear that you're not the only one with skeletons in your closet. To hear that not only does your partner have them, but actually has a counterpart skeleton that is a mirror image of the one that you've been struggling with how to reveal.
TJ has been keeping himself up at night trying to figure out how to tell me something. For weeks, he's slept poorly. For the last week, he's hardly slept at all. I knew something was bugging him, but I thought it was the terror of a new relationship, one in which you quickly become accustomed to the thought that you like this person far more than average. . .I thought he was just terrified of liking me too much (indeed, he'd told me as much). However, he was more terrified of what would happen once he told me his secret. After staring at me with a long silence for what seemed interminable, after me pulling away from him and asking him, "You don't want to see me anymore, do you?" for fear of the look on his face, he finally told me what's been eating him up for weeks now.
Would you believe it? I have that skeleton too.
He finally slept.