Look What the Cat Dragged In

I feel like I'm been gone from the blogging world forever, and I'm back. . .momentarily. I'm not sure if I'm going to continue blogging, and I'll tell you why, and I'll tell you that I'm in a very happy place and I just don't know that this provides me the outlet I once needed. But maybe it will from time to time. . .maybe I'll keep it. . .just for that. . .sometimes. . .maybe.

Well, part of the reason I haven't blogged in a long time is that I've been out of the office a lot. I think I was out something like 7 or 8 business days in row, for some length of time or another. So, that's one reason I'm feeling good. I feel like I'm meeting my firm's work expectations a bit more that I have been. (Not entirely my fault. . .they have trouble keeping me busy with the type of work they hired me for. . .only when I became proactive and delved into other areas did I get hoppin' busy. But that's ok, it makes the time fly!)

I've been concentrating more on my personal goals lately. I realize that I blow a lot of time blogging, and since I'd like to some day be a writer, I realize that if I "wrote" substantive things in the realm of the novels I'd like to write as much as I blogged, I could really get going in the right direction on that goal. So, I'm thinking to direct my daily writing in another direction besides the internet, as much as I need and like the daily journal aspect of it, sometimes.

I've really been concentrating on my health, fitness, and body lately. I've been eating better and exercising more and feeling really good. I've lost 7 1/2 pounds in the last couple weeks and worked out every day this week, cardio and weight training. I want to lose some more weight and get to a place where I feel healthier and better about my body. I'm thrilled with my progress so far. I know it will slow down now, but slow and steady wins the race. (And no, I haven't been on any crazy fad diets nor have I been limiting my food intake drastically--I'm on Weight Watchers, online.) So, don't worry that I have an eating disorder. Never have, never will. My relationship with food is too weak-willed.

I accomplished most everything I set out to do this week. I organized my photo album and printed/ordered photos from the last few months to enhance the empty slots in said album. I finally got the internet working on my computer, it WAS the modem, Bellsouth, thanks for replacing it. (That was a trial in itself.) I got my ipod updated (and still have to recreate my playlists, so I don't have to go through EVERY song to figure out what I want to listen to on the elliptical trainer, that's on the list for Sunday night).

I went to a social function last night, didn't drink, ate very little, mingled, had fun, and still left in time to go to the gym. I went this morning as well. That's 5 days this week! TJ doesn't recognize me. . ."Who is this girl and what have you done with Miss Have You??" he says. I washed my dog yesterday in preparation for a trip to my parent's house this weekend (with TJ, by the by). I ran errands, I grocery shopped, I cut out recipes from Weight Watchers magazine and pasted them on recipe cards, I tried new homemade muffins made from a recipe in Shape. . .I ate healthfully and was in control of all my nutrition choices! I ate out yesterday and made good choices. I feel so in control and good about myself. My house is clean (not my doing, I have a housekeeper who comes every 2 weeks, SO worth the money), and it will be when I get home from being out of town this weekend. My toes are pedicured, and my feet scraped and smooth (it's embarrasing when your boyfriend's feet are better pedicured than yours at times ;-) My bed is made, my bags are packed, and I will whisk home, pick up my dog, and head home. My brother is coming home too! And he and his boyfriend and TJ and me and my parents are going to have a riotous time, I am sure.

By the way, I get to shack up with TJ at my house. My mother only has two spare bedrooms and since my bro is coming too. . .well, what do you do? She said she's comfortable with it as long as we are, and she knows that we sleep in the same bed when we stay together, so. . . I am OFFICIALLY a grown-up. Quite a feat for my family, since I am 5, no matter what I do. Plus, I don't have to spend the only time I get to see TJ this weekend in separate bedrooms.

Next weekend, Miss Meg is coming! Two weeks, I get to go to UGA homecoming and see friends and watch football and visit Athens and go to all the old bars, and then to Atlanta to see Miss Opinionated and Miss Issues (and her new beau) and hang out and see all my bestest friends!

TJ is being much nicer. I think we're getting used to each other and our mutual ways of handling things and respecting that about each other. Plus, I'm in a better mood and less testy about things, and hence, so is he. We haven't fought in several weeks, only a minor tiff two weeks ago. And by the by, before we started "not fighting" and getting along better, I spoke to Miss Opinionated and had decided:

You know what, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of walking on eggshells and wondering if you are going to continue to want to be with me. This is ME, take it or LEAVE IT. But make up your GD mind, Mother Fucker. (I mean, that "take it or leave it" attitude was the one he flaunted all the time.) I reached a change in my mental state that day. I still love him. I just decided that if he couldn't make his mind that I am fabulous and the best woman he'll ever find (for any man, probably, but especially as a complement to him), he can hit the friggin' road. He is not going to make me feel like this, like I'm 2 nasty comments or a bad day away from banishment from his heart.

We had a tiff where I conveyed some of this sentiment to him, and it became very obvious very fast that he was insecure that I might think about breaking up with him because of *his* attitude (not the other way 'round). He backed down. He apologized. He said he was wrong. And we haven't really fought since. I still love him, and know he loves me (although yet to be spoken). But I know that if he is stupid enough to leave, he is not right for me. The man I will spend my life with will wake up every day knowing that he loves me and that he made the right choice. That is what I want and deserve, because that is how *I* feel about someone to whom I have chosen to give my heart.

But all that irrelevant, because we're getting along superbly. Maybe because I stopped being afraid or letting him pick on me. Maybe because I'm back to strong Miss Have You, who is worthy irrespective of what man at that time thinks she is. His love strengthens me, yes, but I am not a shell of a person without it. So, things are good with TJ. We're in Love and hopefully, both of our security levels will strengthen daily.

I do need to work now. But I just wanted to update you all on how I've been and what I've been doing. Feeling good, feeling accomplished, feeling happy. Don't know when you'll hear from me again. . .