Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Monday, October 18, 2004

Too Much to Do, Too Little Time

Tired tired tired. The weekend was long, I think I tried to cram a bit too much into it. Going out in Athens was really fun. Revisiting all the old haunts was priceless. The BBQ and football game were fun, too, but we were killing the other team, so we left in the 3rd quarter. It still wasn't quite enough time to get to Atlanta and get a good nap in before the couple's shower RS was throwing. But we got a short one. But we were very tired at that point. Nonetheless, we ate, we drank, we were merry. Great party, RS, your house looks great too!

I really wish I had had more time in Atlanta and TJ had had more time to get to know my friends. I realize that to some extent, no matter how many times I can possibly visit Atlanta in the next year (let's say, what is that, 4 or 5 visits, realistically), it's going to be very hard for my friends to get to know TJ the way I do, other than an introduction, a few conversations, a vibe, getting a feeling. And honestly, with the level of exhaustion and busy-ness our day had entailed at the point I got TJ to Atlanta to the couple's shower, I don't now much of a sense my friends got at all. We went out for drinks after the shower and TJ was pretty quiet (unusually so) due to said exhaustion and some self-imposed focus on a televised football game to keep himself awake. I would have liked for him to be more "on" and show more of his personality, but as we all do at times, we're quieter, less "ourselves" at some times than others. . .and the long unending day I'd subjected him to so far finally began to come crashing down (on both of us) at some point.

Earlier, he had done some things around the house for RS, some heavy lifting, boy-type home repairs, and I did observe some minor "bonding" going on at times, some exchanged funny comments, probably about me, and things like that. I'm sure they both liked each other "fine," but not as much as I know and like either one of them. I've come to the conclusion that that is 100% ok. If I'm ok, my friends are ok. If I'm happy, my friends are happy. If I'm in a relationship with TJ, he wants them to like him, sure, but it's not necessary. It's not necessary that any of these people would pick TJ as a friend, but only that *I* would pick him. They'll get to know him better, as well as they can, as fast as they can, as often as they can. But geographically, I know that that's going to take some time. And realistically, I know RS or NG or Miss Issues will never know him nearly as well as I do, I can only hope they at some point like him well enough to say, "That's someone I would choose for a friend." But I wasn't able to say that about Miss Meg's hubby until the toast at her wedding, when they'd been together for 3 1/2 years. And this is 3 months!!

So, no more rushing. No more anxiety. Just me focusing on my friendships, and separately, focusing on TJ. Nurturing all relationships where they need it. Not demanding too much "approval" from one for the other. Just being. And being content.

Of course, we all know I could break this resolution is the next couple hours or so, but I am going to try. Relationships are hard enough without pitting them all against each other and demanding approval of one from the other. So guys, I hope you liked him, what little you got to see, but. . .you don't have to. Maybe you will next time. And TJ, same for you. They're MY friends, they don't have to be yours. But I hope at some point, they can be.

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