Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Am I less desirable because I come in increments of one?

Problem: I have this friend who is married. She is a really sweet girl and one of my only "girlfriends" here in Savannah. When we met, she was very excited because she had just moved here as well and wanted to have some girlfriends to do girly things with. Her husband is cool too, and I would like to hang out with her and do my nails as much as hang out with both of them whenever I go out in a group (which is mixed company, frequently, so it would seem appropriate). Ok, here's the problem:

1) She's sort of a flake. Every time for the last couple weeks I've called her to do something, there's this, "Oh I have to see what my husband is doing." Which is fine, sometimes, but sometimes, NO, you don't have to see what he's doing. Does he do things without you? You can do things without him, especially when you make plans in advance to do so and inform him of such. In fact, the one time I had a bunch of girls in town, she went out with us and then husband misunderstood her instructions and came to pick her up earlier than she wanted to go, and she lamented that she didn't stay out with us longer!

2) When she does hang out, she hangs out with other couples. Like, LOTS of other couples. I don't want to be the only single person hanging out with them, even though I'm invited. Especially in view of the fact that one of the female halves of the couple (who I've met once or twice) this friend says nothing but bad things about: "Oh, she talks so bad about everyone, I just don't really trust her, I wonder what she says about me behind my back, she's not a very good girlfriend." I actually suggested that she invite this girl out with us once and that was the response I got.
Sometimes, I do go out and hang out with them. I don't feel as weird being a 5th wheel (or even a 3rd) as I do being a 7th or 9th wheel. It just seems like everytime I ask this friend to do something, there is some "couple" conflict. And I think, ok, why don't you instead make plans with me for another time in advance right now, to avoid there being a conflict?

3) It sort of hurts my feelings the extent to which she and her husband hang out with these people and not me. Again, I know I'm single, but for instance. . .I had this girl over one night at my house, I made pizza and dessert and we did our nails and watched a movie. Last night, I called her, and she and her husband had another couple over for dinner. Well, that's nice. I've NEVER been invited over for dinner. I might sort of like to be. Am I less desirable as a guest because I come in increments of one? But I treat her the way I want to be treated (the time I invited her over. . .and usually, most times, in fact, I invite the husband too, if he wants to come, especially if it's a mixed group of us going out).

Two more things: I invited her and some other girls out to try and plan a "girls night" this week to go see "Mean Girls." She responded basically, well, I don't know about Friday, because I might be going to a concert with my husband. Then another friend suggested Sunday. So I emailed that around. Then it was, "Well I definitely can't do Sunday." I basically emailed back and said, "Well you maybe can't do Friday either, so do you think that is a realistic possibility?" You know, before I structure things around that? So then, it was, you don't have to wait on me to make plans. So then, I was like, hey, not trying to be an ass. I just want as many girls to be able to come as possible (I only sent the email to like 5 people). Girls Night isn't Girls night if the GIRLS aren't able to come! Grrr. If we need to reschedule for next week, fine. . .but I'm not going to plan it for a time no one can come!

Also, she then responds. . .well, I'm not going to the concert anymore but I forgot I promised "the couples" that I would meet then in city market Friday early evening for dinner. Again, blown off because of the couples (who she was hanging out with last week when I had my "not on the same page" crisis). So, ok, you couldn't commit to plans with me because of X conflict, but now, you forgot you already promised to do Y with someone else, which you're committing to. So, she says she wants "girlfriends" but she seems to only hang out with these people as part of a couple, even in view of the fact that she's basically admitted to me that at least one of these girls isn't her favorite person. Great! Go hang out with her and her boyfriend more then, and blow me off. It's really starting to bug me.

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