Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Friday, June 25, 2004

Attention: City of Savannah Bar Patrons, URGENT

To: The City of Savannah
From: Savannah Police Dept.
URGENT, WARNING, BAR PATRONS BEWARE

Two bitter, yet hot, women will be descending upon the bar scene at approximately 10 PM this evening, Friday, June 25, 2004. We don’t know what to expect, but suspect that they will be engaging in drunken and debaucherous behavior. The suspects fit the following descriptions: Known only by her alias, Sweet "Opinionated" Tits, she is 5’9”, ravishingly beautiful with sassy blonde locks, green eyes, and one helluva rack. She has been known to make men fall on their knees and beg for mercy. The Sugartastic Babe, as she is known, is 5’6”, dark brown hair, brown eyes, and usually wears shockingly red lipstick. While her rack is not quite as pert as that of her cohort, she’s still built like a brickhouse, just a shorter, less lanky version. She has been known to throw beer on men and still have them beg for the mere opportunity to kiss her (very nice) ass.

These two women have just come off an unusually bad week or overloaded work schedules and suitors not behaving up to par; they are fierce, they are vicious, and they have a high liquor tolerance. They have been known to dance on bars and shoot evil looks at men who, in the guise of staying within their dating "tier," are actually jumping FAR above it. They giggle, they dance, they find themselves far more amusing than most men, and they will YELL things, of an obnoxious and insulting nature, aloud in drinking establishments, if they think you suck. They are known to inquire of passersby who don't seem to understand their mutual self-obsession, "Have you SEEN us?!?" Mothers, lock up your daughters unless you want them to emulate this floozy-ish behavior.

We have called the national reserve back into town and believe that their training for the G8 will serve us well in this capacity. Please alert your local law enforcement officers immediately if you have a sighting of either one of these severely hot women, although they will almost definitely be traveling together. Do not get too close; do not point or stare; only approach them if you are a really attractive man between the ages of 28-36, at least 6’0” (6’4” for the blonde), and HAVE A PAIR. Pansy ass men should stay far far away. We expect they are primed to attack.

|