Why my dog keeps me from settling for lazy guys. . .

I read somewhere once: The greatest love is a mother's, then a dog's, then a sweetheart's. Since my mother (God bless her) is a bit psychotic and I can't really get down to the bottom of exactly how she feels for her myriad band of children (but only that she's been very sacrificial for all of our sakes. . .and reminded us of every minute of it ;-) I'll start by examining my pup, Sadie.

Sadie doesn't care what I do or where I go or when I get home, only that I come home and feed her and let her cuddle next to me on the couch, and just in general, that I let her be where I am. She loves a good walk and will occasionally rob food off the coffee table (she's a dog, and no amount of discipline I could enforce would stop such behavior). She will wag her tail at you whenever you use the happy voice, and she barks incessantly when you come home. . .it's partly a command to "Feed me," it's partly excitement, and if it's someone else, it's partly "Is is ok for this person to be in the house, mom?" She's loyal, she's sweet, she's non-judgmental, and as long as I am happy and she is in my favor, all is right in her world. That is a far greater and more loyal love than I've ever experienced from a man, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in all the world.

I guess where I'm going is that the term "love" is thrown around with such reckless heed by so many people, that it makes me question the validity of the whole thing. A few months' dating goes by and you start to say "I love you," and perhaps you do, on some level, but in a romantic relationship at least, a declaration of your amorous feelings bears waiting until it can be backed up by amorous intentions and actions as well. I have had several relationships end where the person professed to still "love" me, but either felt that the relationship wasn't "right," or just didn't make the effort to fuel my happiness, leading me to believe they never would and therefore, they weren't "right" for me. And I've reached a point in my life where I can appreciate that love is a wonderful, fluttery, silly feeling in the pit of your stomach that causes you to forget to eat, or sleep, or work, but that, more deeply, it is behavior modification based on that feeling and directed towards the object of one's affection such as to make him/her as utterly and inexorably happy as is in your power. And continuing to engage in that behavior when that silly amorous "feeling" takes a holiday.

If you're lucky, and with the right person, I don't think that "feeling" ever goes away for too terribly long, and can always be renewed. . .but it sort of insults me that people believe that LOVE is just a feeling. When that fleeting feeling is hidden or momentarily absent, what is left? Love is the right combination of feeling AND action. And although, in my most recent relationship, I had feelings that overrode the strangled voice in my head that kept telling me to "get out," I knew that the object of my love and affection was not "loving" me (read: verb) in a way so as to indicate to me that my happiness was as important to him as his was to me. So I left. Regardless of how strong my FEELINGS were, he was never going to make me happy. Maybe it's because his FEELINGS weren't strong enough. . .or maybe he's a lazy ass. Either way, I deserve more. I deserve the devotion and effort I put forth. But next time someone says "I love you, but. . ." they might as well say "I feel love for you, but I don't want to love you." Read: I have a great feeling from you, but I'm lazy or disinclined to make you happy. I have one component of love (feeling), but not the more important component of love (action). I'll just stick with Sadie.