Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Friday, June 04, 2004

Is she/he a light or just a mirror?

I had the most interesting conversation over graham crackers and peanut butter (and oreos for Cody) after we returned from drinking last night. We got to talking about relationships, and he was saying that he thought he could probably be just about happy with any woman because he gave and gave and gave so much that relationships were just naturally good with him, because he did everything he was supposed to do to make them "happy." But so then, he really just wondered, well, is that all there is? And where would he ever find a woman who reciprocated that same level of devotion? And were there really any fireworks to a relationship or did you just WORK to make it last?

I responded that I was the type of person who gave and gave and gave, and thus, ended up with lazy guys (unlike him) who weren't willing to do the work to make me feel happy and romanced. So, yes, there are women who are capable of giving and giving and giving, in reciprocal devotion to their mates. And that no, I didn't think you just woke up every day fairy tale in love with someone, but that when you knew someone was worth it in the long run, you just sucked it up, and stuck by them even when they infuriate you and you want to kill them. And that fairy-tale heartbeats and romance would ebb and flow, as is natural over time. So yes, true love is a wonderful feeling, but yes, it also takes work. It's not JUST a feeling. (So sayeth the me2.)

But he came up with the greatest analogy. He said, "You know, it's like I'm a light, giving and giving off more and more light, and the other person is a mirror, reflecting it back, and it's good as long as she is able to do so. . .but if my light, devotion, energy ever starts to dim, and that person then dims too. . .you know they're just a mirror. But you need someone who is a light too, and gives off their own devotion and energy and adoration, for the time when you're not as strong. . .you don't want to have your light dim and then realize they had no source of their own, that they were just reflecting YOU back."

I think this is brilliant. It sums it up. It is similar to a conversatoin that Me and I had about my Ex-Ex-Boyfriend. That he wanted to please so much and so he did, but then when he started to wane, I couldn't understand why he wasn't able to love me as much as before. . .because I think maybe he was just reflecting me and my energy and love from the beginning, so when things got tough and I got frustrated. . .well, he was just a mirror, reflecting my love. I need a light. I need something that gives off love on its own.

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