Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Random Thoughts About Those I Love

Ugh. I'm sorry. I really am. In a vaccuum, it wasn't a HORRIBLE thing to say, but in the situation, in the situation YOU perceived, it was. I see that SO CLEARLY now. I hope you forgive me. You don't seem mad anymore, but I sincerely acknowledge it was a shitty thing. My mouth and actions indicated something my heart DOESN'T feel. It wasn't cool. I hope my apology finds its way to your heart and pulls us closer together, instead of you feeling like I'm against you and it pushing us further apart. It needs a couple days. And my words are coming to you, again, sincerely, via US Post Office. I love you. And I feel like an ass about it.

That was nice you remembered my birthday on the day, I guess, but I'd rather you just gave a damn the other days of the year. You said you wanted a girlfriend, but you really wanted "couple" friends. I don't see where I fit into that life. I think you need to make more of an effort. I don't make an effort either, but I did in the past, and you shunned that. I'm still a little hurt.

Ok, nice guys, you forgot your sister's birthday! I would've expected it from you, but you guys? Or is it just that you've forgotten now and a few more days of being "late" don't matter? I know you're busy, but part of your problem is how involved in your own lives you get that you don't care about anyone else. You're a little enclave. Maybe I'll understand when I have kids. But right now, I'm just wondering how long it's going to take you and if I'll squeeze an actual gift out of this.

Thanks for all the well wishes and cards! I had so many birthday cards from so many unexpected sources. I had a whole huge stack at home last night, when I assembled them all together. I am so blessed with so many friends and people who love me!

Your card in particular really touched me. I still think you're a little weird, but your heart's in the right place! I hope you're doing well and feeling good about yourself and that *you* are happy in *your* life. You're the only one who has to be.

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