Me

I feel like I'm often defensive lately.

I feel like I'm always paying for an irreparable rift, no matter what I've done or said to try and repair it and no matter what part the other participant may have played.

I feel like no matter how much better I get, every action will be colored by something I did before, even though. . .

I learn from past mistakes and change with every encounter and get it "better" and "righter" each time.

Just because what *I* have to say isn't always PLEASANT doesn't mean I didn't say it the way I thought it needed to be said (and maybe STILL DO).

That belief is not inconsistent with being sorry that the way I felt I needed to say something hurt the recipient of that sentiment's feelings. . .sometimes I would say it differently next time. Sometimes I wouldn't.

But, I DID say it differently this time. Go me.

Most times, NOW (although I have been accused of being rash, blunt, or cruel), I make a very reasonable and deliberate attempt at tact.

. . .Even when that attempt is successful, I still have gotten responses that may be considered rash, blunt, or cruel from the people who accuse me of being so awful in the first place.

I never let friends languish in my disapproval without letting them know.

I suspect that many unfavorable discussions are had about me, by people who *don't* always call their disapproval to *my* attention. . .and that's just as hurtful (to me) as being forthright about unpleasant feelings directly to someone.

I'm blunt.

I am very very funny (often because I'm unabashedly blunt).

I am very very loyal.

I am very very gracious about apologizing for bad behavior.

Sometimes, I think friends take advantage of that and use it as an excuse not to take responsibility for their part.

I can't point these things out. . .if they really don't see them themselves.