One Liners

Honestly, the best and funniest Girls Weekend moments were captured via photo, which I'll be uploading shortly, but after my one, long, bitchy story, combined with RS's story of Clark Kent on her blog, the rest are just good tidbits, one liners, if you will.

After cramming 7 of us in a little bitty cab and RS instructing BC to put her head between her legs to avoid getting sick, Newsgirl replied, "If I could do that, I'd never leave the house."

Anonymous player justifying her hook-up by explaining that so much clothing had been removed and she was naked so, "I HAD to F%$# him."

BC continuing to check package size of all guys she saw, with the opener which REALLY should have made her intentions clear, "Hi, I'm BC," [insert grope here]. Apparently, without RS's instruction or knowledge, she "pre-qualified" Clark Kent for her. (Dear Clark Kent, Congratulations! Based on your excellent package girth and length, you've been pre-approved for a line of RS's company for the next 12 hours!).

Another anonymous player raiding her guest's kitchen cabinets because she was pissed off he fell asleep WHILE she was. . .ahem. . .providing. . .oral stimulation. . .and then later explaining that she wanted to "keep it 'G-rated.'" "What was the last G-rated movie you went to?!" I exclaimed. I'm pretty sure there were no blow jobs in Aladdin.

RS analogizing the lost ponytail elastic she lost in her host's bedroom and being given another one out of the bedside drawer by her host as the "take a penny, give a penny" tray at cash registers, "because, I mean, some other girl will now get my elastic when he finds it."

Me finding out that Clark Kent has a really good friend who's a parter at a competing law firm on whom I have a big crush. I tell Clark Kent that I have a crush on said partner and predict the results of such a query, "No really, ask him, he knows. . .Miss Have You. . .Miss Have You. . .oh yeah, the brunette. . .yeah I know." When said partner later shows up, I shook his hand, "Oh yeah, Tim and I know each other. You know I have a crush on you, right?" "Yep," he responds, and without missing a beat, I say, "Told ya" and go back to my lettuce wraps. (By the way, a lettuce wrap, half a crabcake, and a couple conch fritters just DO NOT adequately absorb the amount of alcohol I chose to consume Saturday and at that time had coursing through my system. . .note to self.)

Telling a guy that although his friend drunk dialed me a few weeks ago, I never really see him, I didn't really date him, we only hooked up, so why does he bring him up every time I see him? I think I also instructed him to tell him to stop drunk dialing me as I have a boyfriend now.

Watching Newsgirl's spastic dog chase our mailman, to the point he actually hurled himself on the ground out of fear of being attacked. My mailman (and BC) happen to be black. I explain to the girls that when BC comes back in, we'll ask HER why black people are so afraid of dogs. They look horrified. . .but BC and I are like that. . .I have to explain to her concepts like ashe blonde, auburn and all the other subtle nuances of white girl hair color. . .and she has to tell me why black people are so afraid of dogs. She also later asks Clark Kent when he's taking them to Waffle House later, "I know you're Caucasian and all, but do you have any rap CDs in here?"

That's all I can think of. . .reserve the right to supplement later. . .