Worthwhile
Something is spurring me to write this entry, but I don't want to specify, so instead I'm going to open with a story that I *also* find applicable. This weekend, I found myself, albeit briefly, getting really sad. Last night, I thought about the fact that TJ *still* hasn't told me he loves me (although I think he really does, and I maintain that I am holding out for his comfort level in being able to say it). I also began to get really sad because I knew I had to leave today, and we'd had such a great weekend, I especially didn't want to.
But I thought of two things: as RS wisely reminded me, declarations of love don't create love, and their absence doesn't mean that love isn't present either. I just have to wait until he's ready. Also, I used to get really sad when my ex would leave to go to work every Monday morning (through Friday, as he was a traveling consultant). I think it really hurt him. And there was nothing he could do about my sorrow, and I surmise that my sadness and our mutual inability to deal with the difficulties attending our relationship contributed to its demise. So I thought to myself, "You can't be sad. There's nothing you can do about not being able to see him all the time RIGHT NOW. Hopefully, that will change in time, but nowhere in the near future, so just suck it up, and be thankful for the time you have. There's no POINT in getting sad about it." Now, both these things invoked sadness, but not in the relationship itself, TJ hadn't done anything wrong. . .it's just that right now, circumstantially, things aren't ideally the way I would have them be. . .which got me to thinking. . .
Why do people think that the "perfect" relationship is supposed to solve all problems? That once you have that magical, "One"ness with another person, that trials and tribulations become null and void?
Relationships, even the "One" relationship, a marriage or marriage potential relationship. . .are just like everything else in life. Hard sometimes, but difficultly notwithstanding, they have the potential to be ultimately rewarding. And we weigh everything in life, as to whether its "worth" outweighs its difficulty. Friendships, jobs, family relationships, material items. . .is having that car/a continuing relationship with my sister/that job/a dog WORTH the corresponding amount of trouble it takes? It is ultimately more rewarding that the amount of physical, mental, and sometimes emotional energy it takes? It's all a balancing process, a weighing out of options. No one's Relationship is perfect. . .but what says more about a couple than how often they have difficulties, is how they choose to deal with those difficulties and whether they choose to compromise through them and still want to be together in the end. . .the most obvious example with me is that TJ and I travel every weekend to be together, one or the other of us, 4 1/2 hours round trip. Because we think it's worth it. There are some guys I wouldn't drive 10 minutes across town to date. . .but for him, 2 hours doesn't seem that far. . .
I think people have the tendency to think that all things in life are fallible. . .except "my Relationship," it's perfect and makes all life Sunny Sunshiney at all times. Relationships are made up of not just one, but TWO imperfect people, with insecurities and neuroses and problems and mood swings and all other manner of horrible, icky qualities. . .and wonderful, mesmerizing, lovable qualities too. Of course there are difficulties. But do you love him/her? Do you want him/her by your side through those difficulties? Is it ultimately more rewarding than the amount of "trouble" it takes?
