Wonders Never Cease

I heart him. I really do. He's trying just as hard as I am.

Last night, he called and we were chatting, and he says, "Hey, I just wanted to apologize again for the way I acted Saturday." We went on to have a very mature, grown-up discussion in which he explained that my comment that I popped off really pissed him off (I called him an asshole) and that his way of dealing with things, that he's developed over the years to avoid temper-flaring explosive verbal abuse (to which he was prone in the past) is to clam up and not say anything. His perception was, F-ed up as this is, if I'm not doing anything (which he doesn't perceive that he was acting like an asshole at the moment I called him one) and she calls me an asshole, I'm going to act like an asshole for real so she'll know the difference. I explained that I appreciated his apology and thought it was very big of him, but his actions in ignoring me and not giving me the chance to make things right really hurt me and I didn't know how to deal with it. He understood that when I said it, I really thought he was being a jerk, but he wasn't trying to be. Once he understood that my perception was different than the way he intended to come off was when he began to cool down (on Sunday morning). I told him that we needed to come to a different methodology, and that I wished he could just SAY, "Miss Have You, that was uncalled for," or "I'm not trying to be a jerk, so don't jump all over me" or even just "Sweetheart, I'm on your side."

I reminded him that although he's the one usually reminding me that we're a partnership and a team and we're not against each other, I said, "You forget that too. I'm not against you. I care about you immeasurably and I'm on your side!" He said, "Well, it's hard to feel that way when you call me an asshole." I said, "You ARE an asshole sometimes!" "But I wasn't being then!" he said. So, lesson learned. Try and express yourself more maturely than "Asshole," it really gets under his skin. And the lesson he's learned. . .I hope is. . ."she's not going anywhere. She loves you even though you can be an asshole, and she loves you even when she thinks you're being one. Don't push her away just because she makes a snide comment, do something more constructive to let your anger/irritation/displeasure be known."

I'm just genuinely impressed that he apologized, unsolicitedly. This man with this stubborn, hot temper, who thinks he's right 95% of the time, apologized to ME, because he hurt my feelings, and acted like a jerk, and he CARES what I think and that he's "right" with me. . .he could've let it go, and he didn't. He APOLOGIZED. This is a big deal coming from him. He is LEARNING. And he is TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for his part in disagreements.

We're going to be ok.