Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Monday, July 26, 2004

Getting Comfortable with the Criticism

I have been cautioned by two very dear friends who have known me long and well today.  One said, "My only concern is based on the fact that at the beginning of a relationship everything is exciting and feelings tend to overwhelm thoughts."  The other said, "I'm just wondering how healthy this situation is going to be with you both going at warp speed.  It worries me that you both seem to be jumping in so quickly."  I understand their concern, I really do.  I appreciate that love, care, and concern so much.  And I appreciate even more the catharsis it's brought to me.

No, Friend 1, not every relationship starts out excited.  Feelings DON'T always overwhelm thoughts.  They haven't for me for some time, in fact, and I am pretty darn passionate.  We'll use the Ex as an example.  No one EVER got concerned about that guy, because we started out and continued at a sluggish, non-impassioned pace for 2 years.  Could we have kept that level of mediocrity up for a lifetime?  You betcha!!  And Have you SEEN me?  Do you know how passionate I am?  Do you know how miserable I would've been?  He was an unimpassioned jerk who never inspired much emotion at all, which is a fate worse than death for someone like me. . .and I never got a word of caution about him.  Ironic, isn't it?  A jerk, but a calm, "safe" jerk.

Friend 2, yeah the crash and burn could be tons worse for the speed at which we're traveling.  But it sure beats sitting in one of those spaceship bubbles at the Kmart and just pretending like you're on a real craft.  But you never really warned me about that!  I'm sure Ex and I could've kept up a "healthy" level of disinterested mediocrity for life, but that would've been extremely unhealthy for me. 

I'm beginning to think it's GOOD that you guys are wigged out.  That's PRECISELY why this man could be right for me.  I'm only going to be concerned from now on if you don't have much of an opinion on someone.  The fact that the Ex was "safe" and no one got concerned about the level of amorousness with which we got started. . .is precisely why he was TERRIBLE for me. There WAS NONE. You can't be concerned about things that don't manifest themselves. . .nor can you get excited about them.  A reaction, ANY reaction, beats the hell out of NO reaction.  In retrospect, I had very little reaction to the Ex. . .he was a comfortable habit of care that grew over time.  He never brought me to the euphoric highs that TJ does.

I think it' hilarious bullshit that I'm being cautioned to be careful because something's really wonderful. . .because it could stop being wonderful. . .rather than ever being cautioned about something that was NEVER EVER truly wonderful.

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