Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Thursday, October 21, 2004

The Canine Equalivent of a Bumbling Idiot

I dated this guy once. He couldn't touch anything without leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. Example: once, he pulled a Disney video off my bookshelf (picture the large, plastic molded case that Disney videos come in. . .one side is clearly the "right" side right? The side with the label written on it). He then put it back BACKWARDS. Why? I'm not particularly neat, but my God, can you touch anything and just leave it the way you found it?

My favorite story is one day, I asked him to pick a CD. I have one of those over-the-visor CD holders on the visor of my car. It is natural and easy to just peer upwards at the visor, looking at the CDs, slip them out, and pick one in that manner. KKRRRCCCFFFFPPPPTTT. . .the sound of hastily ripped velcro filled my ears as he, in the manner of a 10-year-old child, goes to pull the ENTIRE THING off the visor. I was like, "What are you doing?!" (Literally, my 12 year old nephew once did the EXACT same thing. . .the difference is, THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED WITH A 12-YEAR-OLD!) I mean, just. . .don't. . .let everything get so unruly. I'm not a neat freak, I swear. . .he just was an unsightly unorganized-for-no-reason type. I can't believe I dated him, in retrospect. The best is, when I would call these indiscretions to his attention, he would gesticulate somewhat wildly and exageratedly say, "Fine then, I just won't TOUCH anything." How 'bout you just act like a normal person, dildo?

Well, Newsgirl's dog is the canine equivalent of Keith. Ally cannot drink out of the water bowl without spilling. She cannot come into the kitchen without leaving pawprints. She peed right in front of a drunk kitchenful of us eating leftover pizza one night, I think she couldn't bring herself to exit the doggy door and pee out there, as food samples for the pups were SURELY forthcoming (right). She cannot walk around the coffee table without her frenzied wagging tail knocking a drink over. She cannot say hello without jumping (Sadie jumps, but she can only reach your knees). She ate my checkbook yesterday (off the COUNTER, you would've thought it was FOOD up there). She brought huge clods of earth into the kitchen today. Roomie, she has to stay in the crate when you're not supervising. I'm not a mean mom, but if she's going to act like Keith, she needs to be supervised at ALL times. (PS I got a tray for the water and food bowls. . .now, the good news is, it CONTAINS the water, but now the tray is filled with it.)

My dog has also taken to "marking" the rug that Ally soiled when she peed in the kitchen a couple weeks ago. Sadie does pee on it sometimes (doggy door notwithstanding, little bitch!) if it's raining or she's being rebellious, but she's done it twice this week! She's marking cause Ally soiled it. Mother F-ing Dogs. Oh well, no more rug in the kitchen.

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