Have you SEEN me?

Formerly Not So Much. . .the daily musings of a 26-year-old PYT whose self-love is superceded only by her obnoxiously endearing ability to remind you at all times just how fabulous she is. Guys too stupid to realize how lucky they are to be graced with her presence? Woman with 4-pack abs climbs onto the elliptical trainer next to her? Arrives at Chick-Fil-A at 10:37, only to learn she has missed her opportunity for a chicken biscuit? She throws all these setbacks off with disdain. . .after all, have you SEEN her??

Sunday, November 07, 2004

I'm a Little Teapot. . .

Honestly, I think TJ was a little relieved that I drunk dialed him so much. That way, he knew I wasn't in trouble, he knew I missed him, it was reassuring. . .but last night, I was VERY drunk. I went home at midnight. I NEEDED to. And as RS explained to TJ this morning, "No I can usually read the warning signs, and if I'd known what she was going to do, I would NOT have let her out of my sight with a functioning cell phone." Um. . .so, I called TJ, told him how much I missed him and wanted to be with him. . .and then proceeded to get upset and sob into the phone, "Do you love me?" "I don't think you do." "Why haven't you told me?" "Maybe we shouldn't be together if you don't love me," and other commentary of this unfounded, ridiculous ilk. See, what happens is, I perceive that I have been VERY VERY patient waiting on TJ to say that. And I don't generally think about it very much. And when I squelch my emotions, they tend to build up and I blow my top in completely unforewarned circumstances. . .like last night. . .RS and JS and I decided it's sort of like this:

I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Here is my handle, here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, hear me shout:
You fuckin' bastard, why won't you tell me you love me?!? (or whatever other funny line we decided to insert).

I have to give the man props. He handled it like a champ. He was calm and rational with me, he indicated all the things he does that show me how much he cares and that his feelings aren't lacking just because he hasn't said those three little words. After 64 minutes (yes, I don't know HOW) he said, "We're not getting anywhere, go to bed, I'll talk to you tomorrow." I must've frustrated the hell out of him. I felt awful when I woke up. I felt like I'd ruined everything. I felt like he'd NEVER tell me now. I wished I could take it back. So what does TJ do? He leaves me a message today, "Miss Have You, Love of My Life, call me back!" I call him back and he wasn't even mad. He laughed. I apologized, I felt so genuinely horrible. I told him that I don't usually dwell on it, I know rationally it shouldn't matter, I know he shows me in a million ways, and the last thing I want to do is pressure him about that. He just wanted to be sure I felt ok and did a very funny interpretation of the conversation he was sure must've precipitated this:

"Girl, has he told you those words yet? Unh-unh. . .you need to kick his ass to the curb. You are HOT, girl, and you can get lots of guys here in Savannah, without having to have some boy down in Florida NOT telling you he loves you. . .you need to get rid of him, uh-huh, uh-huh!!" Which conversation NEVER happened, mind you. . .I'm just psycho.

He handled it so well. He handled me in a way that it's taken dear friends YEARS to learn, and he's picked it up faster. I think RS is putting a little more stock in the boy now. . .she's seeing that if can learn to and WANTS to learn how to handle crazy psycho Miss Have You. . .he MUST really love me. . . I'm really impressed with him today :-) He makes me happy.

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