Nice Girls Finish LAST

In the course of talking to several friends and reading several blogs I read lately, I've been giving a lot of thought to being the "first." The "first" love, the "first" sexual partner, the "first" one to hear those three little words from your beloved. This may sound a little crazy, and I'm sure some girlfriends will disagree. . .but I have ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to be the "first"! Even TJ has a bizarre and irrational penchant to be "the ONLY one," even though he admits it's silly to expect me not to have had other boyfriends (but I'm still asked to politely exclude them from conversation). What is the obsession with being the first!? My experience with Firsts:

I lost my virginity when I was 18, to the "first" man I loved. For 18, sure, we'll say it was love. It was 18-year-old love. I decided to do it because a) I loved him, b) I was his "first" too, and c) I knew that the way I thought and the liberal ideas I had, if it turned out this guy wasn't the "One," the chances of my "One" having waited for me, if he, in fact, thought liberally the way I did. . .were slim to none. Why was I saving myself for someone who wasn't saving himself for me? It may sound cynical, but what's good for goose is good for the gander. I am vehemently opposed to sexual stereotypes, and I have owned my sexuality like a man for much of my adult life :-) So I treated my body and my sexuality the way I wished, in a loving, monogamous relationship in which I felt secure and had a very good first sexual experience. And knew I wouldn't suffer guilt for having sex when I met the "One." Cause I bet my money he'd have gotten his share of booty too. So, "first" sexual experience says to me. . .something you do with the "first" serious boyfriend. . .who thankfully, since my "first" serious boyfriend, in my inexperienced little world, was pretty mismatched for me, wasn't my last. . .

I really really loved boyfriend #2. I would've followed him to the ends of the earth. But when he broke my heart, he told me that it wasn't right and he couldn't explain why, and to this day, I don't really have a satisfactory resolution for that. Except to say that, any man who would break my heart that way COULDN'T be the one. . .cause the one was always going to be steady and secure and constant. . .cause that's my number one criterion. The "One" was never going to break my heart (and I'd made sure to tell every man since then that if you break up with me, we're done for good, so don't even think about changing your mind!). So, #2, to me, was my "first" TRUE love. . .and we see where that landed me. Heartbroken. So "first" love says TO ME, "Starter Girlfriend," the one you screw up with. The one you regret later. The one you lose. I already was someone's "Starter Girlfriend," no desire to repeat THAT experience.

So no, with TJ, I won't be his first, not his first love, not his first sexual partner, not the first woman he's declared his love for. . .but as long as I'm the TRUEST and the most long-lasting. . .I don't care. I'm glad he left all the "firsts" behind. It doesn't matter who's first, it only matters who's last. TJ has already broken himself in on other women, he's already "screwed up" his "Starter Girlfriend" relationship, he's already cut his teeth on "I love you" and still doesn't use it haphazardly. And what's the best of all is that he doesn't look back and think of past relationships as being "screw ups" or ponder that he wishes he could go back. . .he, like me, can recognize "love" at that time of his life and still know that it wasn't right for the long run. So I get to be last, AND I get to be the One he thinks is RIGHT, and not just a consolation prize after he screwed up with someone before? And he still takes all the valuable lessons from those relationships when he evaluates how to treat this relationship? To me, that's pretty FANTASTIC!

Disclaimer: Nothing in this blog should be read as criticizing, judging, or otherwise "dissing" other people who LOVE to be the first, foremost, and top-dog "love" of THEIR respective "love's" life. But if I may, if there are bothersome thoughts about not being the first. . .remember that being the first isn't as fulfilling as being the BEST. If you get to be both, more power to ya!