Occasionally, I Think of Others

I'm feeling sort of sad and crushed today. My mother is having a really horrible time right now. She co-signed a piece of equipment that my stepfather needed for a business a few years ago. . .the business ended up falling through and after struggling to pay for said piece of equipment for some time, my mother and stepfather were finally forced to file bankruptcy. My mother has/had very good credit. She had been divorced, went back to school in her 40s, got her degree, and took care of her kids until the middle two went to college and she was left with me. She and I did just fine for the 10 or so years until I too went to college and while she's been there to help along and along, all of her children have been mostly self-sufficient since they were college-age. She was already feeling pretty crappy about filing bankruptcy, like that makes her trash or worthless or a less savory member of society. I explained to her that the bankruptcy laws were established to give people a fresh start and there was no need to feel that way, that she would soon rebuild her credit.

Now, I'm not a bankruptcy attorney. I don't know really how it works, but my Mom told me that she wrote off certain debts and not others, and apparently, one of the ones she didn't write off was a credit card she's had since 1985. She's never been late and never carried a balance on it. The straw that broke the camel's back was when they canceled it, even though it was not listed as a debt she wished to discharge.

It broke my heart to hear my incredibly strong, independent, wonderful (if bat-shit crazy at times) mother sob into the phone at me, almost unintelligibly, that she didn't know how she was going to pay for the computer program update she had to buy online for her accouting business. She just felt so worthless and that her financial frugality of all these years has been ruined. Understandably, she's angry and resentful towards my stepfather too. Through my own sympathetic tears, I told her how to get a debit card, a prepaid credit card, and to call her credit card company and tell them what she'd just told me about being meticulous in her payments and in not carrying a balance with them all these years. It doesn't hurt to ask them to re-establish her credit, right? And then, I very forcefully told her how VERY PROUD she ought to be of herself for supporting herself and taking care of us all those years, when she struggled through school with kids half her age, and how amazing it was that she accomplished something like that! She didn't have it financially easy after the divorce and she still managed to raise 4 wonderful, successful, accomplished children, who didn't have to want for very much, despite the fact that money didn't grow on trees at our house. Worthless my ass! How dare some stupid credit card company make MY MOTHER feel worthless!!

There's just not a lot I can do, beyond what I have, to make her feel better. I HATE that she has to go through this and feel the way she does.

To top it all off, my grandmother is going through some very serious health problems right now and has to have surgery. My mother is not sure she will be able to tolerate the surgery.

And I'm supposed to go on with my life while I'd really like to drive home to give my mother a great big hug and stand by her side while she has to deal with this BS.

I'm not sure quite what's going to happen with my grandmother now, but I'll keep you posted. I may BE going home in a couple days, after all. My parents are supposed to visit ME this weekend, but who knows what's going to happen now. . .