Drama, my Out-of-Town Hook-Up

Boy I'm prolific today.

I have this friend. We have a complex relationship. We started off hooking up, then he got all dramatic and mad because I wasn't really emotionally available at the time. So we stopped talking for a bit. Then he started calling again. I still wasn't really emotionally available, but I was getting there, and I genuinely like the guy. I'm not in love with him, never thought I was, just like him and am attracted to him and we get along famously. We tried to date. . .sort of. . .briefly. . .and then he "broke up" with me because of religious concerns. Obscenely early in the game to be thinking of that, but ok. . .it was going to become an issue eventually, so fine. Still like him, still don't feel awkward, still like talking to him. After several weeks of (mostly his) awkwardness, we start talking again. . .we've never gone longer than a month, month and a half, without the talking starting back up.

So, when I have a potential, I talk about it. . .he's been through several girls as well in the last six months or so (since we've known each other). . .and when neither of us does, well, we hook up. Cause why not? I couldn't have this arrangement with just anyone, but with us, it seems to work. I've already been "let down easy" and I don't have romantic feelings towards him. But he pays me a lot of attention, thinks I'm very attractive, and we're comfortable together. . .physically and emotionally. . .but the quintessential romantic link is missing. It's just not a big deal. I don't think about him that way. But he continually does things to make me think he does. . .cause he always subliminally accuses me of having feelings. . .and I think he's projecting his own feelings.

So I saw him a few weeks ago. Went to the place where he lives, in town to visit friends. . .and I basically called and suggested that I'd like to see him. Well, I emailed early in the week and he put it out there that he was seeing someone, so I was like, "that's cool, whatever." (But if he wasn't, we'd hook up. Cause it's what we do.) So I go to call him closer to the weekend, he says he'd still like to see me. . .and he starts all this hemming and hawing about the person he's seeing, like suggesting that's it's not really an exclusive situation. Come to find out that he just made that up. . .because he wasn't sure if us seeing each other was a "good idea." What?! Alright, Drama. But before he came clean about all that (the next week), we hooked up that weekend. Again, he said that his situation didn't preclude it. . .and I figured that was his responsibility to monitor. And then found out the person he was seeing. . .was fictitious, and just a way to avoid having to see me? Or get physical with me?

Let me just insert here: I like hooking up with him. But big deal. If he got engaged tomorrow, I'd wish him the best of luck and never have another thought about trying to seduce him again. He's convenient, and we like each other. . .but I'm not preventing him from finding true love or anything crazy like that. He knows my stance: if you're available, fine, if you're not, FINE.

Secondly: Dude, if it's tearing you up that much, STOP SLEEPING WITH ME. Problem solved. But don't act like I'm the source of your romantic problems and hooking up with me once every few months is a hindrance to you doing what you feel like you should be doing (i.e. settling down!).

So, he's been calling me. . .every week. . .since I saw him a few weeks ago. So he calls and we talk, and so last night, we're talking, and I'm like, you know when are you coming down to visit me? He's never been to Savannah, and I just think we'd have a good time. Yes, we might hook up. But honestly, if we didn't. . .if he said, I'm not comfortable with this anymore. . .it'd be fine. We still just get along really well. Whatever.

So he starts telling me how uncomfortable that makes him, when I say things like that, and that he wishes we could just talk, he enjoys talking to me. And I'm like, sure, me too, but don't you think it's weird that you have this friend you talk to and you don't bother to make arrangements to see. It's no big deal, I think it'd be fun for you to come down here, and I've been to your house countless times, but . . .fine. . .ok. So Drama starts going into this thing about how he can't just keep fooling around all his life, it's time to settle down, and hooking up with me is probably not the best idea. . .again, I charge you, Drama. . .then stop. Fine. No one twisted your arm. He's reached the age where he feels like it's time to get married (he's older than me). And I told him that if the 1 out of 52 weekends he spent in Savannah prohibited him from finding true love at Darkhorse (local bar), I'd feel really bad, but I thought that was probably not going to happen. I had had a few drinks and so I basically told him that I thought he was being ridiculous, putting too much import on my invitation, that I thought he was subliminally projecting feelings HE had in the guise of suggesting I had them, that I was sick of hearing about all the things he thought he SHOULD be doing, but obviously didn't REALLY want to, and that if he really had that much of a problem with our "relationship" and its long-term inappropriateness, he could stop calling, emailing, and/or hooking up with me. My new pet peeve is guys who drive the action and then act like YOU'RE getting too serious about things.

When I asked him, well if you have such a problem with it, why did you hook up with me last time I was in town? He told me he "needed it then." Are you kidding me?? I also hate it when people justify X action based on Y circumstance. Circumstances always change, but generally, If it's not a good idea, it's not a good idea. Don't qualify it when something bullshit like "I couldn't help myself." Ok. . .well, obviously, you can't be trusted around me. I'm always going to be a thorn in your sexual side, so I better just leave you alone so you can find someone to get serious about. But don't act like I'm the one manipulating this situation for my evil, sexual ends. That makes the 2nd guy this week I have to tell that it's not appropriate for us to hook up. Dammit. Numbers are foundering. . .