The Gift-Giving Insecurity Monster

In the spirit of some other gals I know, who, due to the readership of THIS blog, must remain nameless and linkless lest I get one of them in trouble, I too wish to post about my Christmas. It started off a little shaky. You see, TJ had told me that his mother's gift was supposed to arrive from FedEx on Thursday (he was supposed to leave Thursday night to come down to my parent's house, and then, coming straight to Savannah after that because he's going to stay with me this week, since I have surgery tomorrow). It didn't arrive. He tracked it, and apparently, it was backed up because of the bad winter weather in other parts of the country last week. It might not arrive until TODAY! (And he's not going back to Jacksonville.) When I told him that it was ridiculous to go down today to try and get it, that it could just wait until after he goes back to Jacksonville (in another week--his mom's out of town anyway), he told me that it was ACTUALLY *my* gift.

Now, this is the part where I don't WANT to be petty, I don't WANT to assume that he's going to screw up Christmas, I don't WANT to assume that there won't be ANYTHING to open on Christmas Day, and I'm thinking (in my rational mind) he's not really this dumb, right? He knows how like a kid I am about this, and how I need something thoughtful in glittery paper to open on Christmas Day, right? And I feel somewhat confident that he KNOWS better and certainly, this isn't my only gift, etc. etc. . . .but I also think, he should've ordered it earlier. This wouldn't have happened if he were more diligent. I'm thinking that I'm not special enough to him to make sure that my gift(s) get where they're supposed to be on time! And it's irritating the shit out of me, mostly because of the previous gift-giving horrors I've experienced, see previous post. So, I express disappointment, tell him that these are the types of contingencies that just HAPPEN sometime and that *I* don't like to screw around with, tell him that I'll be happy just to be with him, and whenever I get it is fine, hang up, and slowly but surely, my anger evaporates into horror-filled sobbing. Horror that he could possibly be so dumb and so non-acquainted with me and what I'm like as to not know me well enough to know that having a holiday made special, with bright ribbons and special gifts, is IMPERATIVE. I mean, has he SEEN me? Does he KNOW me?

Thankfully, Newsgirl and RS were godsends. Newsgirl said, "he's fucking with you. And even if he's not, this CAN'T be your only gift." She had actually helped him a bit in the picking out colors department, and knew about the forthcoming gift, and said that she didn't think it would be JUST that (she DID NOT tell me what it was that she knew about). RS AND Newsgirl pointed out that he wasn't dumb enough to show up empty-handed and not to worry, even if he WASN'T fucking with me (he wasn't, by the by). RS said she didn't think he was kidding, because he was sort of being a dick and non-apologetic and saying how it wasn't HIS fault. . .and well, acting like a dick is what TJ does when he feels like he screwed up or let me down or disappointed me. It's a defense mechanism. So, I really was nice to HIM about it. I said the thing about it being a contingency I didn't like to screw with, but I let him off easy and basically said, you know, I'm not going to kick you in the ass about something I know you must already feel pretty bad about. I purged my evil emotions (and even prayed to God to take my evil pettiness away!) and went home and resolved to be as sweet to him as I could possibly be. And who was I kidding? I WAS really happy to see him and spend Christmas with him. I was still a little ticked that he didn't order it earlier, but my tickedness wasn't going to change the outcome so. . .

He came in to my parent's house with an almost imperceptible chip on his shoulder. He was feeling mad because he felt that I blamed him for the mishap. I gave him a big hug and a kiss and helped him unload his car. It was truly AMAZING how quick his attitude turned around. I was sweet to him, and he lost the chip. He saw I wasn't mad. We had a lot of fun for the next couple days, and on Christmas. . .who knew? He WASN'T that dumb! In addition to the fireplace tools I needed and a great big teddy bear I didn't, I got a GORGEOUS new watch, stainless steel, with mother-of-pearl face and diamonds where the numbers are. I got a GORGEOUS anklet (which he thinks are very sexy), white gold, with a diamond encrusted heart charm on it. And the missing gift? A new Coach handbag, classic style, black. (He hates my cotton candy pink Dooney & Bourke, he said he keeps expecting clowns to pop out. To which I respond, if your way of showing me you hate my taste in handbags is to buy me a COACH, fine, I can live with that!)

However, the BEST part. . .I started to think (in my horror-filled sobbing moment) that I was REALLY happy with what I got him. That I thought he would reallly LIKE the stuff, and I was excited to see him get HIS gifts, and if mine was a little late, who cares, right? He is notoriously hard to buy for, but I think I did ok. I got him Season 4 of the Sopranos (he's Italian and from Jersey, what else do you get for someone who's Italian and from New Jersey?), Bushisms 2005 desk calendar, which he read with raucous laughter every time we went into a store that had it, an ornament with little mice and our names inscribed on it (he LOVES Christmas and is very sentimental about commemorating relationships and stuff like that, even though he ACTS like a tough guy). And then, the BIG gift, I got him Tivo. I have it, I love it, and he loves to record his favorite TV programs by VCR, so I thought it was time to move him up in the world. The BEST part was. . .afterwards, yesterday, he said, "you know, this is the best Christmas and these are the best gifts I've EVER gotten from a girl. I have some really horrible gift stories from old girlfriends. But you did a really good job! It's not that the gift(s) have to cost a lot of money, I know I usually make more money than my girlfriends, but I just want it to indicate that the person KNOWS me and it's personal and well-fitted to *me* as a person." And he proceeded to tell me how he got socks and athletic shorts from his last girlfriend after like 5 years together. It blew my mind that his philosophy on gift-giving and his past frustrations HAVE BEEN THE SAME AS MINE! So, I apologized that I got a little bent out of shape over the FedEx incident and told him that I really did trust him and knew that he would come through, but I have some pretty horrible gift-giving insecurities from the past, and I would share some of my stories too. I proceeded to tell him the Braves ticket story. He totally understood.

So, in addition to the Gingerbread Train we made together, all the cute, cuddly pictures we took with my dog, all the lounging around, eating, visiting, and fun we had all weekend, I got GREAT stuff, PERSONAL stuff, stuff that *I* particularly LOVE! And the best part is. . .I gave him the best gifts HE'D ever gotten! And that really did feel better than what *I* got.

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!