On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me. . .
With the Christmas season upon us, I felt it necessary to opine on gift-giving, especially the sort between boyfriends and girlfriends. Gift-giving for me is a sticky subject. My last couple boyfriends have been ok at it, but there is always the precarious balance between letting them know what you'd like and doing it FOR them. And then, what happens if you let them know what you'd like, and they don't get it? There are some things I feel silly buying myself, but think would be perfectly acceptable and cute coming from a boyfriend (like last year's Legally Blonde Barbie incident. . .as a grown woman, I feel silly buying myself a Barbie doll, but she is dressed in pink and embodies one of my favorite movies and my profession).
Well, let me enumerate some of my worst gift-giving fiascos. . .to let you see just all the things that COULD go wrong. And my caveat is, I am NOT one of those girls who has to have something really shiny, sparkly, and/or expensive to be satisfied that he's done things "right." But I do expect that the man I'm dating actually KNOWS me and KNOWS what I like, which are varied, extensive, and obvious (Wonder Woman, the color pink, beagles, glitter, sparkles, mystery novels, and only about a billion other things anyone who's been around me for 10 minutes could tell you). So, for me, it really is the THOUGHT that counts (as long as the generosity level of the pricetag isn't borderig on chintzy).
In chronological order, the top 5 worst gift-giving incidents in my dating life
October 17, 1997: Atlanta Braves Play-Off Tickets, except I don't like baseball. The first, and most heinous violation, of the spirit of gift-giving: Atlanta Braves Play-Off tickets for my 19th birthday. Notice SPORTS is not on the list above. I do enjoy college football, but not really at this time of my life. And oh, by the way, guess who DID like Sports? Was a sportswriter, in fact? The boyfriend who gave the tickets. Rule 1: don't give baseball tickets to your girlfriend who doesn't really like baseball, but YOU do. Rule 2: when tickets are a gift, a little tangible something is nice too. The worst is, I knew, painfully, that the tickets were coming. I had been informed this was my birthday gift. I tactfully suggested to my roommate at that time, "Oh please dear God, you've got to help him!" So my roommate did a very good girlfriend thing and called him to ask what he was getting so their gifts didn't "overlap." He told her tickets. She suggested that maybe a little something else, tangible, as well, would be appreciated. He got OFFENDED and bitched about it to me that she was all up in his business (after the gift-giving was over). But he did run the idea by another girl-friend of his, who mercifully concurred. My extra gift: Chicken Soup for the Soul. Generic. As though he was buying a gift for a maiden aunt he'd never met. Awful. By the by, his birthday was the next month. We went to Agatha's Mystery Dinner Theater for his birthday. . .I figured we'd done what *he* wanted for *my* birthday, so we'd do what *I* wanted, for *his*. Yes, I'm 100% serious.
September 23, 1998: Sheep Pajamas, p. 37, Victoria's Secret
After this incident, I saw that the boyfriend couldn't be trusted. I then picked out all gifts directly from catalogs, with colors and sizes precisely enumerated. The gift I had picked for our 2 year anniversary, Nick and Nora sheep pajamas from Victoria's Secret. (Sheep is also on the list of things I like, as are pajamas.) I thought, he can't screw it up. He screwed it up. He wanted to pick me out something himself. (Stupid, stupid, haven't you seen that you can't be trusted to do such a thing?!) He got me a charm bracelet, which wasn't bad, but it wasn't what I was expecting. I think I actually cried. I got the pjs for my birthday the next month. Asshole.
Remaining TWO bad gifts, dates unknown, including Bubo, the Heinous Golden Owl
This guy really started to piss me off. I mean, it was really like he didn't know me and just sucked THAT bad. It wasn't just that he couldn't pick out gifts, it was more what that represented. . .that he didn't have the intimate knowledge of me, or the time/effort, to put into picking out a good gift. Remaining two bad gifts: 1) an ugly silver ring with an ugly garnet stone from the discount rack at Rich's that literally turned my finger green. 2) A heinous gold owl pendant. This one makes me laugh, at least. I was a Chi Omega, and our symbol was the owl. This owl was probably 2 inches tall, yellow gold (which I don't wear) with brown metal wings and diamond eyes. It sort of looked like BuBo from Clash of the Titans. It was heinous. I still have it. I love it because it's the worst gift ever.
October 22, 2000: Open Hearts and Broken Hearts
This was a terrible gift. My heart. Given back to me, broken. The week after my birthday. Ouch. But at least I got the Elsa Peretti open heart necklace and matching earrings from Tiffany the week before. I couldn't wear it for about 6 months, but it's a jewelry staple now.
December 25, 2003: The Legally Blonde Barbie Incident
This boyfriend really did do pretty well with gifts, but he didn't like to be told what to do. The boyfriend in the first 3 paragraphs had, of course, conditioned me to tell boyfriends EXACTLY what to get me. And the Legally Blonde Barbie was the only thing I think I specifically asked for. . .again, because I felt ridiculous buying it myself. So, my beagle emailed the boyfriend (you heard me) where he could get it and where it was cheap, complete with web links. . .and still, he ignored it. I figured out that he had ignored it because he admitted he hadn't done any shopping as of a few days before Christmas, and this doll wasn't easy to find, so I sort of said, "Hey, you know, if you're looking for specific things, you're going to get yourself in trouble because they'll be sold out and they won't ship in time for Christmas." Well, he wasn't looking for that specific thing, I guess. (That sort of drives me crazy too, if you know what you want to get someone. . .GO ONLINE AND ORDER IT, so you don't have to worry about something being out of stock, long lines, day before Christmas insanity, etc.) He did end up getting it, he got lucky it actually WAS available at Wal-Mart and in stock. . .but I was pissed that he didn't listen JUST BECAUSE I happened to TELL him something. He had a bad habit of doing that.
The moral of my Xmas gift-giving tales of woe. . .is that, you know what, I'm really not going to tell a boyfriend what to get me. If he can't figure it out himself, too bad for him. And if he's really that good of a guy, with a good heart, who listens and tries and plans in advance and puts thought into it. . .it shouldn't be a problem. He should get it right. And if I really want something myself, I'll go out and get it. But I'm not making any more Christmas game plans for guys too dumb (or stubborn) to follow my well-intentioned directives. I'll save the wish lists for family and friends who like to have the guesswork taken out of it and like to give, being rest assured that I, 100%, will LOVE what they gave me (even if I picked it out). So, TJ, you're on your own. But I have the utmost faith that you'll do a splendid job. Because although you may be a lot of things, you're not an idiot, you're not cheap, and you know what your girl likes!
PS TJ just called. . ."which running shoes were those that you liked again?" (He knows that I can't drop $100 on running shoes since I'm getting, ahem, my new additions. But I need some, and badly. And since I'll be needing to keep my new figure up when I actually CAN make it back to the gym. . .he listens. . .he's good, I think I'll keep him.)
