Oh Where Have You Gone, the Fabulously Raucous Miss Have You. . .?

I've been relatively silent about the whole TJ situation for the last few days.  I threw up a few blog posts about how confused I was and how unreal everything seemed, and then put a few friends on guard about their well-intentioned and sound advice.  (Didn't mean to come off like a jerk, Miss O, but then, we've had that conversation. . .so no worries.)  Honestly, I've been perpetually silent for a number of reasons, not the least of which is my caution about unveiling my life and things that REALLY matter to me on a blog, to be read by a lot of people, to be evaluated and judged, and then to be possibly mocked or laughed out of hand when the person who responded to my "love" poll "Are you crazy??  Do you really think you could be in love with flowers guy?" hears that things went South.  There's the overriding public concern about "feeling" stupid, even though the vast majority of you don't know me, and the ones who do don't think I'm stupid, but it's not just that:  I am more concerned with enjoying this ride than gossiping, bragging, pontificating, or otherwise publishing my thoughts about it. 

I am supremely happy.  I do think this guy is amazing.  And he thinks he has really lucked out and is not going to let me get away.  I do share those thoughts with my close friends.  Otherwise, though, I just have a spring in my step, a knowing smile, a glow in my complexion.  People know that something is afoot, but hell. . .the devil's in the details.  What does it matter?

Honestly also, this guy is so good, and the things he does and says so perfect (for me, although maybe not for Lemon, who hates getting flowers at work), that I've reached a point where a) I realize I can't relay it without sounding like a lovesick fool who unfairly and unrealistically glamorizes relationships, and b) no one would believe me anyway.  He really does convey himself to me in a manner only adopted by lunatics or people who are really, truly (maybe) falling in love.  Well, I hope that my friends, and even my readership, know better, that I'm not generally one to look at relationships through Rose colored glasses:  even if you've just been reading this blog since I started it, it should be clear that I find men, in general, to be as disposable as my Acuvue Dailies.  I swore off adopting "one" for a "boyfriend" some time ago.  Why have one when you can have five? 

I'm a changed Miss Have You.  I only want this one.  (I can't believe I'm saying this.  What kind of sick trick is he playing on me!?!)  Seriously though, he's a light.  Not just a mirror.

(Of course, if he hurts me, I'll go back to my old ways.  It might be more interesting from a blogging perspective, but. . .don't wish that upon me.  This guy makes me want to settle down.)

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

Monday morning, I got called away from work because my home alarm was going off.  I get there, meet the police, and as I suspected, it's not really a break-in, but a malfunction.  I call my alarm company to come out to see about it.  They schedule to come out and see it on Tuesday at 5:30.  I do set the alarm Monday night.  It does go off with the same malfunction about 7 AM Tuesday morning, but I was getting up anyway.  I confirm the scheduling of my 5:30 appointment.  I rush home from work at 5:30 on Tuesday.  The dumb technician (having worked with him before) doesn't arrive until closer to 6.  Ok, well to be fair, he's the stoner technician, always seems high.  He has a friend with him this time.  I don't know whether this guy is training or what.  We'll call him the dumb technician.  They can't answer rudimentary questions about the alarm or what malfunctions.  They replace the strip on my back door and leave.

So I set the alarm last night.  I suspected that it wasn't quite fixed yet, but figured I need to figure that out sooner than later.  It went off at 4 AM this morning.  I let the guy at central station who called to make sure everything was ok have it.  I said, "Oh, I know which zone it is, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum have already been out here to fix it today."  He was very nice and helpful and understood my frustration.  Needless to say, I was not able to go immediately back to sleep for my irritation, adrenaline rush, and ANGER.  So I text messaged TJ, who is a raging insomniac this week, are you up?  He was up.  So at least I got to talk to him for another obscenely long length of time.  All told (and I can't believe I'm saying this) we spoke for over 4 hours yesterday (between the 2 hour conversation we had then and the 2 hour +  conversation we'd had earlier in the night).  Trust me, I know it sounds bizarre, I would've never thought I could talk to someone so much on the phone.  So yeah, I went to bed AGAIN at 6 AM.  I am exhausted today, but strangely giddy.  He is really the sweetest, most wonderful guy.

I called my alarm company this morning.  I expressed my anger.  I also should add that I left a message for someone with tech authority (but also someone with a bit more authority, not exactly sure of his position, but someone I've worked with before) a message on his cell at 4 AM.  That I was up and thought he should be too.  It was rude, but I was livid.  How hard is this?  He didn't answer anyway, so I must've not woken him up.  And I'm sure I got my point across.  So April, the girl at my alarm company, says that only Perry, the stoner tech, is available to come out.  My response:  "Nope."  Sputtering, flusterment.  "Tell you what, call me back when you figure it out."  They haven't figured it out yet.

So foul.

I am Opinionated and Issutized's bitch

I wanna do it too! 
 
Ask me anything.  I'm an open book.  Will answer via the blog.  You haven't SEEN me til you've SEEN me!!

Non-Girlfriend's Questions

1) Does size matter?  Yes, but it's not the most important thing.  Maneuverability is more imporant.  Size is good, though.
2) Who moved my cheese?  Kimberly.
3) Is Elvis really dead?  Yes.  Fried Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwiches killed him.  Yum, so good.
4) What's the one thing you could never, ever give up?  Deep Emotional Attachment.  So stop trying to make me.
5) Who's the Most Fun?  Me.

Getting Comfortable with the Criticism

I have been cautioned by two very dear friends who have known me long and well today.  One said, "My only concern is based on the fact that at the beginning of a relationship everything is exciting and feelings tend to overwhelm thoughts."  The other said, "I'm just wondering how healthy this situation is going to be with you both going at warp speed.  It worries me that you both seem to be jumping in so quickly."  I understand their concern, I really do.  I appreciate that love, care, and concern so much.  And I appreciate even more the catharsis it's brought to me.

No, Friend 1, not every relationship starts out excited.  Feelings DON'T always overwhelm thoughts.  They haven't for me for some time, in fact, and I am pretty darn passionate.  We'll use the Ex as an example.  No one EVER got concerned about that guy, because we started out and continued at a sluggish, non-impassioned pace for 2 years.  Could we have kept that level of mediocrity up for a lifetime?  You betcha!!  And Have you SEEN me?  Do you know how passionate I am?  Do you know how miserable I would've been?  He was an unimpassioned jerk who never inspired much emotion at all, which is a fate worse than death for someone like me. . .and I never got a word of caution about him.  Ironic, isn't it?  A jerk, but a calm, "safe" jerk.

Friend 2, yeah the crash and burn could be tons worse for the speed at which we're traveling.  But it sure beats sitting in one of those spaceship bubbles at the Kmart and just pretending like you're on a real craft.  But you never really warned me about that!  I'm sure Ex and I could've kept up a "healthy" level of disinterested mediocrity for life, but that would've been extremely unhealthy for me. 

I'm beginning to think it's GOOD that you guys are wigged out.  That's PRECISELY why this man could be right for me.  I'm only going to be concerned from now on if you don't have much of an opinion on someone.  The fact that the Ex was "safe" and no one got concerned about the level of amorousness with which we got started. . .is precisely why he was TERRIBLE for me. There WAS NONE. You can't be concerned about things that don't manifest themselves. . .nor can you get excited about them.  A reaction, ANY reaction, beats the hell out of NO reaction.  In retrospect, I had very little reaction to the Ex. . .he was a comfortable habit of care that grew over time.  He never brought me to the euphoric highs that TJ does.

I think it' hilarious bullshit that I'm being cautioned to be careful because something's really wonderful. . .because it could stop being wonderful. . .rather than ever being cautioned about something that was NEVER EVER truly wonderful.

What's Wrong with this Picture?

Number of days we've talked since we met:  Every day.  Sometimes, several times.  Not including prolific text messaging and emailing.

Average number of hours per phone call:  1.5

Number of times him not wanting to date anyone else has been mentioned, when he brought it up:  2

Number of times I then brought it up to discuss:  2

Number of times he's acted freaked about the level of interest he has for me:  1

Number of times I talked him back:  1

Number of times he's shown up unexpectedly at my door from 2 hours away:  1

Number of times he's said complimentary things that people only say in movies or in books:  7-8

Number of times it's crossed my  mind that I am completely and utterly crazy, and/or he is:  Countless

Number of times I've graciously accepted friendly concern about the intensity of the situation:  10-12

Number of times I felt that friendly concern crossed the line and may have been a product of other factors unrelated to concern:  1

Number of times I've been indirectly or directly warned to "slow down":  A few

Number of times it's crossed my mind that great romances are impassioned and insane:  A few

Number of times I've been irritated that he's doing *everything* right and still, my friends and I (to some extent) are skeptical:  3,458

Number of times it's occurred to me that I CAN'T convey it in a way in which it WON'T sound crazy:  1 million

Number of days/months/years it will take to know if it's for real:  ??????

Amount of confusion residing in my head:  A large blog's-worth

Raspberry's Questions

1) if you had to choose between a porno soundtrack all the time or just when having sex, which would you pick?  I think a porno soundtrack would be distracting at work, and frankly, my blog is distracting enough. 
2) which of the three beastie boys turns your crank?  I wouldn't know the Beastie Boys from each other if they walked in my office and demanded to hear my porno soundtrack right now.
3) coffee, tea, or me?  Joan Cusack, Working Girl, one of my favorite movies.
4) would you rather have a dozen daisies or a single red rose?  I'm going to go with the daisies, not because I don't like roses but because what I've spent my life trying to make clear to men that the gesture is more important than its form.  Something simple from the heart is often better than something more "traditionally romantic."  I like something a little more unique than like it came out of "Romance for Dummies."
5) tall or short men? why?  Tall.  Cause I like to feel small, and I'm 5'6" and wear heels a lot.

Bunny's Questions

Describe your most painful broken heart.  10.22.2000.  Kurt Racine.  I thought he was "it" for me.  I was 22.  We were in love.  He said, "I think it's time for this relationship to come to an end."  A year and a half.  He said he loved me and did more than he'd ever loved anyone, but it just wasn't "right."  What the hell does that mean?  I would've followed him to the ends of the earth and back again, but after he left. . .well, I can't ever go back to a man who's hurt me.  He never asked, but I wouldn't have gone back, no matter how much it hurt not to be with him.  I was blindsided.  Didn't see it coming.  In my mind, and in many ways, objectively, we were great.  In retrospect, I realize he was a wishy-washy SOB who would've never been committed and certain enough about our relationship to make me happy, but at the time. . . wow.  I was in a daze for weeks, months.  And then I began my "wild" law school phase.  There's nothing like fucking strangers to get over a broken heart.

What made you go into law, and is that what you really want to do?  I always wanted to be a detective, but I needed to use my brain to get advanced degrees, or I felt that my brainpower would be wasted.  I thought this was the closest thing.  I don't practice criminal law at all.  It's not close.  I don't think my education was wasted, but I really want to write mystery novels.

Ryan Phillipe or Ashton Kuchner?  Not particularly fond of either.  Jake Gyllenhaal.  Pierce Brosnan.  Wes Bentley (from American Beauty).  Johnny Depp.

Vibrator - yea or nay?  Sometimes.

What is your favorite time of day and why?  I'm a night owl.  I like 9 PM plus.

The Reason

I came to work frustrated and in a funk this morning because *TJ and I had a three hour conversation last night in which I felt like I came out of it having revealed too much of myself.  I know he sent me flowers this week.  I know he had a phenomenal time with me and can't wait to see me again.  I know that he calls me every day, sometimes a couple times (which I am LIKING, I feel the need to say, because it wouldn't be cool if I DIDN'T).  I know that we text message and email back and forth all day.  I know that he's smitten and in adoration of me (or at least, says some things that make it sound either that way or like he's the biggest pick-up artist).  But the fact of the matter is, I'm falling so hard and fast for this guy that I'm terrified of making the wrong move or saying the wrong thing or revealing something about myself that is just a dealbreaker for him.  Realistically, I don't think this happened, but I was uncomfortable with the level of exposure I felt like I had reached last night.

Midway through the day, I was recounting the conversation to a co-worker.  One of the most telling things that he said (oh, he's overexposed too) was that he was NOT interested in this girl in his class who asked him out, in fact, he wasn't interested in anyone else, to which I replied, "Oh does that INCLUDE me, or am I am exception?"  He said, "You're the reason I'm not interested in anyone else." 

He is not a man to mince words and he is not one to choose words, phrases, thoughts, or feelings haphazardly.  I think 90% that he's COMPLETELY serious.  And 10% that he's going to turn out to be as big of a schmuck of every other guy who's thrown himself at me.  Don't get me wrong, I really don't think that's what happening here.  This guy has NO PROBLEM getting women. . .I feel delighted and euphoric that he's chosen ME.  But I can't respond to this comment in an acceptable way.  I'm not going to say "yeah me too."  Cause, well. . .frankly, I don't trust him enough quite yet.  And I can't let him know what a vulnerable, enamored position he's got me in. . . or he might hurt me. 

If he keeps the attention and adoration up for another month or so. . .we'll talk about it.  But I think that if you see where I was coming from a couple months ago, you'll see why I feel this way.  I was dead-set against the B-word, and it looks like I might be well on my way to having one. . .which I'm not TOTALLY comfortable with yet, no matter how sincere he seems THIS week.

So, now that I think about it, I think some of the weird, cryptic stuff he said after this that led me to feel over-exposed. . .was really just a result of him reining things in and not throwing me any bones after I didn't give him an appropriately enthusiastic response to his declarations of impending exclusivity.  So at some point in the afternoon, I morphed from "in a funk" to feeling alright and sent him a text message.  I haven't heard from him all day (which is unusual)!  Now I'm getting back in a funk.  Is HE playing hard to get now, cause he perceives that I was last night?  Well, I wasn't doing it on purpose. . .I'm not used to guys being so honest, open, and upfront.  It throws me for a loop!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.  This monicker does have meaning, but that's another post.

Miss Issues' Questions (that she stole)

1. How many sexual partners have you had?  I defer to Miss O's Answer:  Enough to know what I'm doing and be damn good at it, few enough to not have forgotten what it's like with someone you love and trust. 

2. What was the best sexual experience you've ever had?  Caveat:  it's always best with those you love and feel a certain level of comfort with.  It was nice and comfortable and good with both of the last 2 boyfriends.  That being said. . .

The best intercourse I've ever had. . .I hate to say it, but it was the guy I cheated on the last boyfriend with.  Which doesn't make ANY sense since we have not nearly the level of comfort that I SHOULD'VE had with past boyfriends.  I think it had a lot to do with the fact that boyfriend was emotionally aloof and this guy, at least for the time he put up the act, knew all the right things to say and how to be smooth and how to seem affectionate. . .which is what I was SORELY lacking in my relationship.  Combine that pseudo-comfort with an older guy who knew what he was doing. . .and. . .voila.  We got to know each other more and more and now are pretty good friends with an odd little bond, even if he is crazy, neurotic, and emotionally unavailable, at the end of the day.  But well, let's sum it up thus, when I came back to the room where my girlfriends were the next day, I said, "Y'all.  He drives a Porsche."  And my friend asked, "Well, does he f$#@ like a Porsche?"  My response:  "Whatever.  He was big.  You would've done it too."  
 
3. The worst?  Oh geez.  I've had some doozies.  How about the guy who made up some crazy story that the reason he was "having trouble" had to do with some kind of pill his friend had given him, that he didn't know what it was, but he was SURE that was the reason, it couldn't just be YOU'RE DRUNK?  How about the guy who had to take a momentary hiatus to go throw up?  How about the guy who wanted to pretend like we were husband and wife?  How about the time I blacked out and couldn't remember, but was told we had (which was mortifying, cause I really liked the guy!), then proceeded to be treated like I was actually someone he was really dating, and then I actually WASN'T at all, and what a sleaze!  Alright, you're up to 8 (if you add boyfriends and the guy from Question 2 you know about), and I stop there.   

4. Masturbation...best thing since sliced bread or most horrific thing you can think of ever doing to yourself?  Sometimes, I'M the best I've ever had.

5. What's your favorite color?  Pink.

Miss O's Questions

1. What are your limits sexually, as in, what things would you just simply not be willing to try?  I think to hear me allude, most people might assume my sex life is far more kinky than it actually is.  I can't think of "things I just wouldn't try" because most of them don't occur to me.  But I'll try:  I wouldn't let someone pee on me (think Carrie and the politican, SATC, Season 3); in fact, I'm pretty much completely opposed to introducing waste products into sexual escapades at all, or inserting things into orifices from which they come, for that matter; I don't like anything that's too degrading to women (i.e. no, you CAN'T, on my face, thanks for asking).  But if someone has an innocent little fetish that I feel ok indulging, I'm pretty open.

2. If you could spend just 1 day with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?  Christ.  I've got some questions for him.  I'd also like to see if He's really the Messiah, or just a sad, sad, crazy man, pursuant to the theory advance by Alan Watson in Law and the Gospels. 

3. What was your most embarassing moment?  The older I get, the harder I am to embarrass.  It's probably a toss up between being dared to touch Chad Shenton's butt in the 5th grade (and "pretending" to do it, although apparently I really made contact), stealing the Les Mis poster for a boy in high school (or trying to) and being busted by the theater director (whom I didn't know until later), and being called out by a nasty, sketchy guy in a bar in Athens as being someone on an internet dating site (which I denied, but only cause he was nasty).

4. What event or situation has taught you the most about yourself?  Probably living with you and having you point out how obnoxious and immature I am, see below.  :-)  Seriously, when my dad died, I just realized how quickly and unexpectedly people can be taken from you and that you should treasure every day with the people you love.  And that blood is thicker than water, which is something that most of my lunatic family doesn't seem to GET.  But hey, wake up one day without someone you had the day before. . .it'll get to ya.  It also taught me that WAKE UP each day I would, even when things sucked or hurt or you feel like dying.  The sun will still rise each and every day, no matter how low you feel.

5. What personality trait would you most like to change (or improve) in yourself?  I know I can be damn obnoxious, i.e. a loud attention whore who demands all eyes in the room on her (my blog is called Have you SEEN me? for the love of God).  And whenever I'm around someone who has this quality (hopefully, above and beyond ME), it bugs the shit out of me.  Not because, they have the attention, not me (I usually only feel the need and comfort to command attention around people I know pretty well), but because I think they're RUDER, more OBNOXIOUS, less MATURE, and more ATTENTION-GRABBING than myself.  And I still think that's true, probably, but it reminds me to temper my less mature, more boisterous, obnoxious loud side.  Although we wouldn't want to eradicate it completely. . .it's damn amusing.

Lemon's Questions

1. If you could only keep one of yours senses which one would it be?  Touch, of course.  Hello?  Do we not know that I'm a minx-like sex kitten?  Plus, without the pesky "taste" sensation, I'd be at least 15 pounds thinner.  I'd miss hearing though (see the post about itunes).

2. When in your life have you felt the most and least sure of yourself?  I pretty much only get MORE sure of myself, so I guess right now!  Honestly, I've never had any hang-ups about intelligence or humor or being liked. . .but I've had serious body image problems all my life.  I've never had an eating disorder or anything, but I was somewhat overweight in middle and high school and never had a lot of confidence in the dating realm (ironic to read my blog now, huh?).  I also have a bit of a "baby complex" because I am the youngest of 4 and always have been patronized and made to feel like I can't *do* anything on my own.

Then, I lost a bunch of weight in college and all of a sudden, boys NOTICED me.  See the monster THAT created.  But I always had steady boyfriends, and wasn't really single for any length of time til my first year of law school. . .and so my most "confident" phase started then, when I began really "dating" lots of guys.  (No cracks, Miss O.) 

Then, on the "baby complex" issue, throw in the accomplishment of graduating law school, being a smart, attractive, young professional with a killer sense of humor and moving to a new town and doing things on my own (i.e. owning a dog, buying a house, buying a new car) and I feel most assured NOW.  Least assured?  When I was in middle school probably and hadn't really come into my own. . .looks, health, friendships, feeling accomplished and responsible and "grown-up" etc.  It's just an awkward age for everyone, but I found it especially vile.

3. What is your favourite spot in your living space?  On the couch, with a view of my red dining room, which is fabulous, in front of my flat-screen TV with a Netflix popped in, or Nip/Tuck on Tivo, with my dog on the couch beside me chilling out and relaxing.  Of course, that's a hard choice because my bedroom is PINK, and I love it too.  I love my whole house really.

4. If you could re-do one day in your life, which one would it be?  Oh gosh, there might be a few.  I'm going to go with this one:  once, I was visiting a friend in DC, my best friend from college.  We went out.  I ending up dancing with a guy, and she left, and I told her I'd be right behind her.  I thought she understood this was code for "I'm going home with this guy."  I called her about 10 the next morning to say I'd be home soon.  She was hysterical, she wanted to call the police.  Luckily, her boyfriend (now husband) said, give her til 10, she'll call at 10 (thanks, Mike).  I so regret upsetting her for something stupid like a hook-up.  I am SO penitent about that, and I would do it over if I could, and just leave with her. 

5. Favourite hot beverage?  Apple Cider.  I don't do coffee or hot tea really.  But I prefer cold beverages.  Especially if ice cream is involved.  (What?!  Ice cream is a "beverage.")

6.  How much do I like lemons?  They are my favorite citrus fruit!

One who can figure it out

Last time I received flowers:  February 14, 2003.  Occasion:  Valentine's Day.  Length of time with giver:  1 year.
 
At present:  Large obtrusive beautiful flowers on my desk.  Occasion:  Monday, July 19, 2004.  Length of time with giver:  ~3 weeks, ~25 emails, some amusing text messaging while bored at a continuing legal education seminar, a handful of phone calls, a weekend.
 
I'm in shock, awe, and possibly. . .well, it's too early to tell, isn't it? 
 
I don't know whether to be happy that he understands me better in one weekend than some men have with years of practice. . .or sad that something that easy could send me reeling.
 
 

Justified

I should say upfront that I am on a blogging moratorium today (after this one).  Miss O failed to call me last night, and I refuse to let her read about my date via my blog as punishment for being so remiss.  I'm sorry the rest of you have to be punished for her shortcomings ;-)
 
However, I do have an announcement to make.  After my post about internet dating last week (and I swear I did not have my upcoming date in mind, since much of me said that it would ultimately flop, the guy wouldn't be as cute in person, I would realize annoying quirks he had, etc.), I am justified.  A guy I met on the internet who lives about two hours away came up to see me this weekend.  Although I knew what he looked like and had seen his picture, and although I knew we got along well and had a lot in common, I still half expected it to flop in person.  You always should with internet dating, there's just something about it that doesn't quite translate into reality.  In fact, he kept telling me to lower my expectations.
 
I could not believe how good-looking he is in person.  I mean, granted, he's definitely MY type, and perhaps that's not everyone's type, but I still expect most people would say objectively, he's good-looking.  When he came to my door, in my head, I literally thought, "No way.  I did not meet a guy this hot on the internet."  But it's not just that he's cute and I'm attracted to him. . .he's very smart, he's funny, he's witty, he has an amazing vocabulary, I don't have to dumb myself down when I talk to him or explain what words I use mean, we have no problems talking, he dresses well, he takes care of himself, he's affectionate and attentive, and he just could be the perfect guy for me.  I will never again shun internet dating, if this is the type of guy that you can occasionally round up!  Everyone cross your fingers that I don't find out about any interracial illegitimate children (Britney, anyone?), rampant viral infections, or bizarre fetishes.

Have you seen HER?

Ever notice how six months after you break up with someone, it doesn't feel like you ever dated. No matter how long you dated. And you see old pictures and think. . .is that ME? Is that HIM? WHO is that? Forget it YEARS after you dated. . .you really can't remember what held you together so long, cause you can't remember a thing about him except that he was bald and liked sports a lot.

You know that the person staring back at you is YOU, but you can't believe it is, cause it feels like the person who did THAT thing isn't the same person who's looking at the photo.

Ooooh-kay.....

The woman in the office outside mine. As in, you have to walk through it to get to mine. Every secretary in this office is assigned to two attorneys. Not this woman. She has one. I see her attorney in her office doing his own shit sometimes. She is also in charge of our library. She has apparently been caught sleeping down there on occasion. She is completely worthless. If you ever need help, don't bother. You'll waste more time asking her and not having her do it than you will doing it yourself.

She has been here some length of time, and when they had the proper documentation about what a lazy worthless piece of trash she was (when she was assigned, briefly, to other attorneys) they didn't fire her and now they can't, or we'd have the EEOC all up in our shit, or at least, that's the fear.

She keeps a little black book of things around the office; who said what to whom; how long someone was in my office socializing; things that were said to her that were inappropriate or pissed her off; what assignments she was given by attorneys and things she was asked to do that she felt were not her province. I know because I've searched her desk for it, to affirm its mythical existence. I found some of the "back-issues," but nothing current.

She's irritating as all hell. You can't work (or blog) with the door open. She talks on the phone about church bazaars and various civic organizations that she heads up, the office serving as the place from which many of her responsibilities get filled. None of those having to do with my firm's business. She has an irritating, pretentious, self-important voice. She also talks to herself. Sometimes, when you hear her say "Oooh-kay. . ." (long, drawn out, irritating, pretentious, nasally) or "Let's Seeeeee" you just want to yell. . ."Geez, Ann, shut up!" I don't whether she does it to sound busy. . .? I just passed her in the hall and she said, "ooooh-kay" as she does. Ok, what, Ann? Look there's Miss Have You, "ooooh-kay...." She is a waste of a perfectly good space outside my door where a real secretay could sit. Seriously, she's like the office joke, everyone knows she does NOTHING.

Question:

If someone's not understanding. . .then are they just derstanding?

100 Million Songs

Ok, I'm an entertainment junkie. I admit it. My movie fixation has gotten worse with Netflix. My TV obsession has gotten worse with Tivo. My music adoration has gotten worse with itunes. (All have gotten worse with Entertainment Weekly.) And to that last subject, I dedicate this post.

100 Million Songs were legally downloaded from the itunes music store this week. That's a major milestone. I think it's friggin' awesome. After all the bitchin' and moanin' about napster and kazaa, someone figured out (Steve Jobs) that if you make downloads legal, people WILL pay.

I read an article once that summed up what I thought about downloading (back when it was only illegal) pretty well. It's about the music, stupid. I can't find the article anymore (although this catch-phrase has been thrown about in other places to mean the same thing). Basically, the point was that if artists would make "albums," that is, full, complete streams of songs that flowed together and stood for one complete puzzle that made a comprehensive picture as well as each individual piece standing on its own, people would not mind paying $15-$18 a pop. But people DON'T want to pay that much for a collection of radio-friendly pop trash strung together without regard for the quality of the whole, or about 80% of the individual tracks. No one wants to buy a whole "album" for one or two songs. I never downloaded stuff, back in the illegal days, for which I really wanted the whole album. I still bought that stuff. I only downloaded crap pop tracks that were fun for their sheer awfulness, that I knew possessing an entire album of would not allow me to live with myself. (I'm not knocking pop trash too much; I have some guilty pleasures, I just recognize that artistically, it's not the best music out there, it's just fun.) So, the moral of the article was, if you can put together "albums" of quality material, artists, people will buy them; if you keep stringing crap together, with one or two radio-friendly tunes, we're going to steal it (more or less LOL).

Well, itunes led the pack in the digital music revolution. Their on-line store has an EXCELLENT selection of all the stuff you'd want to hear, and a bunch of stuff you've never heard of, that they don't play on the radio. It's phenomenal. I took my back issues of EW last night and downloaded some stuff they recommended as well as just some single tracks I knew I wanted from the radio. It's $.99 a pop for the single songs, $9.90 for most albums. You can listen to 30 second samples of the songs. The cost is less than buying the CD, plus you already have it in digital format (saves the step of uploading your CDs to your computer, a daunting task I know well). If you have fast internet, it's a cinch. If you don't care as much about liner notes, it's a great way to get the newest albums at a lesser cost, all from the comfort of your home. And unlike illegal downloading, you know what you're getting. . .no skipping, no half-tracks, no errors as were made when you were file-sharing with other users.

Oh, and just because Apple leads the way doesn't mean itunes (and ipod, the best MP3 player on the market) is only for Apple users. itunes and ipod are for windows users as well. At $.99 a pop, for the known quality of the tunes you love, without the hassle of illegality, why shouldn't we pay?

No words to describe my amusement

Check this out. O, this should humorously remind you of a few too many nights spent at Classic City.

7 Things that Made Me Smile. . .

. . .after being in a funk about my fuckwit ex most of the afternoon.

1. My dog. I came in the door, whistled, and she came zipping around the corner like a bat out of hell, with a doggie grin on her face, to say hello, and then proceeded to announce loudly to my roommate that I was home, in case he didn't know. It couldnt've been any clearer if she'd said it.

2. 2 packages!

3. The organza jacket I bought from Talbot's is ugly. I will return it and hence, have saved myself $50.

4. The dress I bought is better. I think I do like it, especially at 1/2 price. And it's an 8 and fits beautifully, which is really the part that made me happy. Of course, this chick is probably a 2, but bite me.

5. Season 1 of Nip/Tuck from Amazon. YEAH!

6. My new Wonder Woman Wallpaper. I got the one of her kneeling down and flashing her sassy bracelets. It looks fabulous on the 17 inch iMac screen. Too bad you can't get one now as they're all out and won't have any more til September.

7. The ability to use hyperlinks.

On Flowers

I never get flowers. My first "real" boyfriend gave them to me three times the first month we dated, and pretty much, never again (2.5 years). My second "real" boyfriend gave them to me once in the first couple months, then never again for like a year, then once a few weeks before we broke up, cause he was trying to "fix" the rift in romance that was our demise. My last boyfriend gave them to me ONE time. After a year of dating. On Valentine's Day. And we dated for almost ANOTHER year after that. The thing that makes the last guy so painful was that I mentioned to him in the beginning things like that were important to me, I liked to be courted (especially cause we got started in a very non-courting fashion), and made some suggestions about types of flowers I liked. I didn't go about it in the best way, I'll admit, I was probably bossy about it. . .but I didn't think I deserved to be "punished" for a year for telling someone what I liked, wanted, and desired. And punished I was.

I think about those damn tulips, and I think about how happy just that little, stupid thing made me. And I wonder if it's really so hard, am I really that mean or unpleasant of a person that guys who say they love me don't want to do little, stupid things to make me happy. I'm SO PLEASANT when I'm happy, I would turn the world upside down for someone who would do those things for me. . .but instead, I usually wind up mistaking who's really good for me and turning the world upside down for a total emotional fuckwit. Who can't figure out that a love note or a daisy would get him so much farther than all the birthday gifts and movies and dinners combined he's bought me.

Flowers, and what they represent to me, are a mean, sore place in my heart. They really upset me. Not when someone else gets them, that's not what I mean. I mean, the absence of them and the absence of dating men who give a shit and the absence of men I date knowing what I need and want. And the "punishment" I associate with them. Because the ex punished me. . .because I asked for something. His point was, "well it doesn't mean as much if you have to ask," which is true. . .(and which was the point he made EVERY TIME I expressed my needs to him). . .but having to ask to receive sure beats not getting the emotional fulfillment you need AT ALL. So flowers, to me, represent an unfulfilled emotional need that you made known and that continued to get ignored until the person had waited long enough he could "come up" with it himself. Until he waited so long that you had a dull, sore ache in your heart because you realize the man you love takes spiteful glee in doing as little as possible to maintain your relationship. Until you leave.

It makes me want to NEVER tell a man what I need again. I can tell you what I DON'T NEED. You.

I only want to be with someone who can figure it out.

Inspiration for the Quiz

Today is my brother Ben's birthday. I have 3 siblings, not a sparse number. I know all their birthdays and always have, since the age of. . .ever. I have a brother-in-law who's been around almost as long as well. . .ever. . .and I just got his down in the last few years. But now, I know everyone's, and I usually send cards, at least, or call and speak with them, at least. Usually one or the other, if not both. But if a card goes, I may not speak to him/her that day, especially if they're hard to get ahold of. Sometimes, if a gift inspires me around that time, I might get it (as I have for my other brother's birthday coming up next week). But some recognition is appropriate, even if not a gift! The words, "Happy Birthday" must be spoken or written and acknowledgement that I was thinking of that person. Nieces and nephews (3) get packages and gifts every year, that USUALLY arrive on time. (Which is a lot of reason their mom and dad, my sister and her husband, don't get gifts: we've been instructed, "buy for the kids instead.")

I am close to my sister and Matt, my brother, but not as much to Ben. Ben has taken to not acknowledging my birthday for the last few years, and at first, it hurt my feelings. I'm the baby and people always acknowledge all my special accomplishments. At first, I thought, well I just won't acknowledge his either. . .but that's not the kind of person I am, honestly. So I do the bare minimum. I send an e-card. I'm not trying to be spiteful, it's just sort of awkward to make an effort to call or send a card when the person lets yours passed by completely unnoticed. This way, I'm saying, "hey I remember and if you want to remember mine, I'll appreciate that too." I guess I'm just a person who only puts as much effort into relationships as gets reciprocated. I'm that way with all relationships. I don't want to turn my heart inside out for someone who doesn't reciprocate it. Any thoughts on whether my response is appropriate?

This is STARTLINGLY ACCURATE!! I don't have a BF b/c I have TOO MUCH GAME!!

Women who know me, go ahead, laugh hysterically. Now go see why YOU don't have boyfriends. Props to Oh Is She for finding this quiz.

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Forward No doubt that you've got game Just a little too much game for some guys Maybe it's just that some men like a challenge Or they think they're not challenging enough for you! Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Internet Dating

Yes, it's unusual. Yes, it's not the way we used to do things. Yes, it was sort of taboo up until recently, but is becoming less so. And yes, there are a lot of freaks online. But I'm going to stick up for it! There are a lot of normal people online too. Attractive people with good jobs and good personalities that may be conducive to your own. There's nothing any more wrong or weird about meeting someone this way as any other way. Do I think I'll meet the man of my dreams over the internet? Probably not, but you never know. I've had decent dates and also made some friends over the internet, believe it or not. Friends that I have in real life.

I'm really bothered by the feeling that some people seem to have that it's wrong or weird or creepy or "not good enough" for them. There seems to be a pervasive, "Well, if they're so good, why are they on the internet?" Well. . .that's the old, "If they're so great, why are they single?" argument. And if you're looking for someone to date. . .so are you. It's not fair to think that way. For people who've decided it's not for them, it doesn't work, that's cool. I just really don't like the haughty contempt with which some people gaze on the internet dating revolution, like that's not a "real" way to do things. It is. It's fine. I've met equal percentages of sleazy guys in bars as online frankly. It's no worse or better than anything else.

I just find it ironic that the same people who bitch about not having dates are the same ones who don't accept the date offers they get, don't facilitate being asked on dates by being receptive to potential offers and friendly to potential offerors, and don't work all their angles to find dates (included, but not limited to, the internet). The phone doesn't ring off the hook at home just because you're attractive or smart or funny or all of the above. . .you have to do things to make it happen too. I'm going to get guffaws from some people for posting this (I should request royalties) but this book, which is an easy read, really helped me to up my "dating" quotient (if you're interested in doing that; if you're not, ok, fine, but stop complaining). Some of it is silly, but if you read it like a mature, independent woman and discard the silly stuff, there are some really good tips in here. And the main thing it advocates is letting men know that you're receptive to being asked on dates, and giving guys a chance that you might not initially think are "your type" or "good enough." She talks about internet dating too, as a resource, but it just ties in and reminds me that people who limit their options are the same ones bitchin'. That's just annoying. Step up (and do things to make it happen) or shut up.

**Disclaimer: this was inspired by some comments on another blog, and the people commenting will know when they read this that it's "inspired by" a true story. These comments are not necessarily directed towards you; it just got me to thinking about other attitudes I've encountered. So don't get huffy ;-)

Poll Analysis

I am VERY surprised that the number of guys voting "Dude, having sex with a guy just freaks me out" and "HELL YA, threesomes with another guy and me and a chick rule!" is the same number. Hunh. Interesting. I would've thought the former would be much higher.

Ghetto fabulous credit transactions.

You probably want to know how I'm coming on my other resolutions, don't you? Well, I DID blow off "only-wants-to-sleep-with-me" guy. And so far, I haven't had a threesome ;-) I looked in the weekly freebie newspaper for writing organizations/clubs, and NONE were listed this week. Comes out again on Wednesday. I DID figure out how to blow up the document on Word for Mac really huge on my 17 inch screen, which makes word processing a joy! I have had a few cocktails since, but my trip to Jacksonville (despite ass-dragging) was a huge, fun success and it was mostly hanging out with my cousin and her husband and hardly any boy attention at all. Most time was spent in gay bars, in fact, raucuous good fun and dancing. And I AM going to get on track with my gym/weight loss routine this week!! For real!! And I DO have a date this weekend, with a nice guy, who I didn't chase, and I will not get wrapped up in. . .until it's warranted. . .if it's warranted.

So, the next resolution. Stop spending money like it's water. See, it's hard. Cause I do have a job where I feel like, if I want something, I work hard, I should have it. I don't go out and spent huge amounts on clothes (and I hardly ever pay more than something is "worth") but on occasion, I do need clothes for work and I did buy a new suit from Talbot's the other day, which of course got charged. And this weekend, I can't tell you the last time I bought a new "going-out" top, and you see, whereas we used to be able to jet over to Wet Seal or Charlotte Russe and buy a cute top for $13, I'm sorry, as a young professional, I can't wear that sketchy, see-through, age-inappropriate shit anymore; I need something fun and sexy and sophisticated!! So I bought a silk top this weekend. It's sexy as hell. It's cute as hell. It was a lot of money, but I'd rather have one of two items that cost more than 15 items that were $13 at Charlotte Russe that are age-inappropriate. So, here's what happened when I went to purchase said item.

My credit card didn't clear. Now, I only keep one card on me, for day-to-day purchases. Wisely so. I have another card with a much higher limit that I am trying to pay down (filled with law school expenses, both from things I really needed, suits for my summer internship, to things that just made me feel good, the "my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me" leather jacket, and three years' worth of "I'm-in-law-school-dammit-I-need-a-drink" bar tabs). That card has to stay at home so I don't run it up more. This card has a smaller limit. It didn't clear. Which pissed me off cause I'd just checked the balance that morning, and it should've. But they put a "hold" on funds that clear over the weekend, although they really don't show up until the next business day (today). So I was looking at the limit sans my last few purchases. Damn.

So I did what any responsible, ghetto-fabulous girl would do. I split it up between that card and my bank card. And made a deposit this morning from a reimbursement check from my firm so my bank account doesn't get overdrawn. This is a problem. Of course, on the one hand, I think, wow, it's great that I do have that "check" on myself and only carry that one card. Then, "Note to self: pay off that card, and then start paying it off every month, you friggin' premadonna and your had-to-have new silk top."

Thank God I have a roommate now. I obviously cannot go back to NOT having one.

New Pet Peeve

People who drag their ass and/or can't make up their mind and/or can't form a plan (that makes sense logistically).

The fact that I have time to blog while the people I am visiting take their sweet time getting ready speaks to my plight. Much of this day has been spent obsessing over what we're doing, when we're doing what (well, X is this direction, and Y is the opposite direction, so how do we coordinate that??). They need life planners, honestly. Oh, and also, much time has been spent arguing and fussing about the fact that X person willfully made plans to get a haircut that impeded Y's plans to take me to the beach. Time that we could've BEEN at the beach. Life planners. Get some.

Personally, me, I don't care. We can do whatever. I don't want to spend the next couple hours TALKING about how to coordinate it. That shit really hacks me off. Make a plan, go with it. Not everyone will join. Not everyone will like the plan. But if the other people involved don't have a plan. . . guess what? They may adopt yours. Or if they don't, fuck 'em. I learned a long time ago that drinking/bar-hopping "plans" cannot satisfy the masses and as long as I have a cocktail and a friend, who cares?

I hate it when people drag their ass though. I hope the man I finally settle down appreciates how VERY VERY low maintenance I am when it comes to getting ready. I could get ready in half the time as both these people. And ONE'S A GUY. I can get ready, top to bottom, shower to dry hair to makeup to fabulously dressed in about 45 minutes, if I really have my act streamlined, if I'm trying. Ass dragging is hopefully NOT commencing at this moment, but I have a bad feeling that the husband in this group is . . .well, an ass dragger. . .

My cousin is ironing my skirt for me though. . .

CLARIFICATION

On my poll, it says that the 3some would be one person of YOUR sex and one person of the OPPOSITE sex. Meaning, if you're a girl, it's 2 girls and a guy, and if you're a guy, it's 2 guys and a girl.

I really wanted to weed out the guys who would vote HELL YA if it were two chicks and him. We know that. EVERY guy votes yeah on that. They taught us that in kindergarten.

So, fellas. . .whoever you are. . .remember, the vote is based on whether you'd have one if it were you, another boy, and another girl. I am testing the willingness or non-willingness to engage in same-sex sexual behavior if the novelty of a 3some presented itself. And whether it's different for girls and boys (I seem to have a LOT of ADVENTUROUS girls reading my blog!!).

It's sick

We just come up with bigger and better ways to make the blog more fun. I stole this idea from Opinionated.

You read "it's sick" and thought I was talking about my impending threesome, right?

Solicited to be in a Threesome

Ok, so the online dating service subscription does have its perks. I got emailed by a couple today.

Is it wrong that I find it refreshing that I'm attractive to members of both sexes?

I'm sure Lemon will have something interesting to say about this! ;-)

Not So Bad After All

I haven't given you enough credit. You're still a good guy. You weren't good for me, but you were alright overall.

I know if that had happened to us, you would never even have let me walk through the door of that horrible place. You would never have even thought twice about it. You would've been tickled pink, even if scared, you would've stepped up, you would've loved me. . .and our fortunate mishap. You would've stayed with me. You would've made it right. You would've still done things to piss me off, for the rest of our lives. But we would've made the best of it.

I'm glad it didn't happen that way. But I'm glad that I can say I spent 2 years with someone who wouldn't have let me EVEN THINK of doing the unthinkable.

My memoirs will be entitled "The Honorable Harlot."

Ok, so I finally got caught by Ejacu-mail (by the way, ironically, he never even received the ejacu-mail). I tried to flirt, be charming, be funny, be cute, beat around the bush, not give anything away, and just not go one way or the other, and make him believe that the jury is still "out" on him, even though it's not. I just didn't want to get into it with him, and he was with a friend that he had picked up from the airport. I couldn't do it. I finally just out and told him I thought he was kind of sleazy, I didn't feel good about it, and we weren't going to be sleeping together. So, instead of going, you know, that's totally cool, I respect that, he instead tries to make me feel guilty about MY decision!

I start out by telling him, "If I want to fuck someone indiscriminately, I can fuck someone who's unencumbered."**

"Well, you know, that's cool, but you know, if you think you've never hooked up with someone who had a girlfriend before, you're fooling yourself."

"That's not the point, that doesn't enhance your argument. Me KNOWING that someone has a girlfriend is totally different from someone ELSE cheating on theirs and keeping that information from me. This is about you and your situation, which I know about. It makes me a bad person to KNOW I'm doing wrong. And I just can't. I don't think it's appropriate. I would hate for someone to do it to me and I can't, therefore, do it to her."

"So you'd rather sleep with a liar than someone who tells the truth."

"There are no points for honesty in this particular game. This is a bad argument. It's stupid. Now, you're just sleazy and stupid."***

"No, I think it's a great point! You're mad cause I'm making a great point! You just need to make sure that you're not living in a glass house before you go being judgmental towards me."

"Brent, I'm slutty, I'm not sleazy. There's a difference."

"Not really."

"That's not the point. This is beyond what I feel comfortable with. You have to do what's right for you. That's fine, that's cool. I can't do it."

"But what about. . . .?"

"No. No. Save it for the next woman you try to sleep with."

** (I don't think he knew all those words, but the general sentiment was there. I especially like the assonance on fuck and unemcumbered. That's for my stepdad, who doesn't read this blog, but who always asks me, why, if I know so many words--English major--I use the f-word so much, to which I explain to him, Carl, if I know so many words, you can know that when I use it, I use it on purpose, by choice.)
***Before I get posts about how I don't have to be so harsh, there was more general sleazy talk and vibe and judgment and bad arguments making me feel like it's no worse that what I've already done in my life up til now, all before I said this, I just may not have all the dialogue in the right order, totally. I didn't call him stupid until he REALLY REALLY deserved it.

What's up with you? Nothing, what's up with you? Nothing. . .

That's from Sweetest Thing, one of the funniest movies ever.

Splenda makes everything taste better.

Having a fridge in my office rocks.

3:00 fruit salad break (with Splenda-sweetened cottage cheese). Everyone say "What a healthy snack, Miss Have You!"

Ejacu-creep called me twice yesterday. Within about 20 minutes of each other. I didn't answer. I was busy. I do that sometimes. Thank God for Caller ID. I do want the satisfaction of telling him, we're not hooking up, though, 'cause it's dirty and wrong. He needs to understand. That I have self-respect.

A friend just emailed me to tell me she hoped I was having a god day. I asked her if she was trying to witness to me. I then told her if I wanted her opinion about God, I'd beat it out of her.

No really, she'll think it's funny.

You only see the part I'm playing

Sometimes, I feel like I'm on display, on stage, and I'm getting direction and line feeds from someone sitting in the back of the theater, only the spotlight is so blindingly upon me that I can't see the source of my direction. I signed up to be on display. I didn't sign up for someone to alternately preach, advise, direct, sound off, and perhaps throw tomatoes, all the while hiding in the dark, low-lit back of the theater. I have a suspicion that while I have NO IDEA who sits in that theater, he/she knows me somewhat at least. . . and that's scary to me. It makes me feel violated and insecure.

To the director: Your advice doesn't cross any lines, IF it's based either on a) what I've chosen to reveal or b) deep, heartfelt knowledge of me because you're a person whom I've chosen to include in my life. Any status in between. . .is an unacceptable basis of advice, for it means. . .

You presume to know more than is revealed, but you know far less than is real.

And that's a dangerous place.

But, thanks for not "outing" me. . .if you haven't.

Thanks for giving me no reason to be paranoid. . .if there is no reason.

Just remember: you don't know me. You only know the part I'm playing.

Drama, my Out-of-Town Hook-Up

Boy I'm prolific today.

I have this friend. We have a complex relationship. We started off hooking up, then he got all dramatic and mad because I wasn't really emotionally available at the time. So we stopped talking for a bit. Then he started calling again. I still wasn't really emotionally available, but I was getting there, and I genuinely like the guy. I'm not in love with him, never thought I was, just like him and am attracted to him and we get along famously. We tried to date. . .sort of. . .briefly. . .and then he "broke up" with me because of religious concerns. Obscenely early in the game to be thinking of that, but ok. . .it was going to become an issue eventually, so fine. Still like him, still don't feel awkward, still like talking to him. After several weeks of (mostly his) awkwardness, we start talking again. . .we've never gone longer than a month, month and a half, without the talking starting back up.

So, when I have a potential, I talk about it. . .he's been through several girls as well in the last six months or so (since we've known each other). . .and when neither of us does, well, we hook up. Cause why not? I couldn't have this arrangement with just anyone, but with us, it seems to work. I've already been "let down easy" and I don't have romantic feelings towards him. But he pays me a lot of attention, thinks I'm very attractive, and we're comfortable together. . .physically and emotionally. . .but the quintessential romantic link is missing. It's just not a big deal. I don't think about him that way. But he continually does things to make me think he does. . .cause he always subliminally accuses me of having feelings. . .and I think he's projecting his own feelings.

So I saw him a few weeks ago. Went to the place where he lives, in town to visit friends. . .and I basically called and suggested that I'd like to see him. Well, I emailed early in the week and he put it out there that he was seeing someone, so I was like, "that's cool, whatever." (But if he wasn't, we'd hook up. Cause it's what we do.) So I go to call him closer to the weekend, he says he'd still like to see me. . .and he starts all this hemming and hawing about the person he's seeing, like suggesting that's it's not really an exclusive situation. Come to find out that he just made that up. . .because he wasn't sure if us seeing each other was a "good idea." What?! Alright, Drama. But before he came clean about all that (the next week), we hooked up that weekend. Again, he said that his situation didn't preclude it. . .and I figured that was his responsibility to monitor. And then found out the person he was seeing. . .was fictitious, and just a way to avoid having to see me? Or get physical with me?

Let me just insert here: I like hooking up with him. But big deal. If he got engaged tomorrow, I'd wish him the best of luck and never have another thought about trying to seduce him again. He's convenient, and we like each other. . .but I'm not preventing him from finding true love or anything crazy like that. He knows my stance: if you're available, fine, if you're not, FINE.

Secondly: Dude, if it's tearing you up that much, STOP SLEEPING WITH ME. Problem solved. But don't act like I'm the source of your romantic problems and hooking up with me once every few months is a hindrance to you doing what you feel like you should be doing (i.e. settling down!).

So, he's been calling me. . .every week. . .since I saw him a few weeks ago. So he calls and we talk, and so last night, we're talking, and I'm like, you know when are you coming down to visit me? He's never been to Savannah, and I just think we'd have a good time. Yes, we might hook up. But honestly, if we didn't. . .if he said, I'm not comfortable with this anymore. . .it'd be fine. We still just get along really well. Whatever.

So he starts telling me how uncomfortable that makes him, when I say things like that, and that he wishes we could just talk, he enjoys talking to me. And I'm like, sure, me too, but don't you think it's weird that you have this friend you talk to and you don't bother to make arrangements to see. It's no big deal, I think it'd be fun for you to come down here, and I've been to your house countless times, but . . .fine. . .ok. So Drama starts going into this thing about how he can't just keep fooling around all his life, it's time to settle down, and hooking up with me is probably not the best idea. . .again, I charge you, Drama. . .then stop. Fine. No one twisted your arm. He's reached the age where he feels like it's time to get married (he's older than me). And I told him that if the 1 out of 52 weekends he spent in Savannah prohibited him from finding true love at Darkhorse (local bar), I'd feel really bad, but I thought that was probably not going to happen. I had had a few drinks and so I basically told him that I thought he was being ridiculous, putting too much import on my invitation, that I thought he was subliminally projecting feelings HE had in the guise of suggesting I had them, that I was sick of hearing about all the things he thought he SHOULD be doing, but obviously didn't REALLY want to, and that if he really had that much of a problem with our "relationship" and its long-term inappropriateness, he could stop calling, emailing, and/or hooking up with me. My new pet peeve is guys who drive the action and then act like YOU'RE getting too serious about things.

When I asked him, well if you have such a problem with it, why did you hook up with me last time I was in town? He told me he "needed it then." Are you kidding me?? I also hate it when people justify X action based on Y circumstance. Circumstances always change, but generally, If it's not a good idea, it's not a good idea. Don't qualify it when something bullshit like "I couldn't help myself." Ok. . .well, obviously, you can't be trusted around me. I'm always going to be a thorn in your sexual side, so I better just leave you alone so you can find someone to get serious about. But don't act like I'm the one manipulating this situation for my evil, sexual ends. That makes the 2nd guy this week I have to tell that it's not appropriate for us to hook up. Dammit. Numbers are foundering. . .

Here's a puzzle:

What is this?

"OW!! That HURT!!"
HE HE HE HE HEEEH HEEE HEEE HEEEHE EEHE HEEE. .
Scream! "Stop it! I already have a BRUISE!!!"
WEH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAA HAAAHAA AHA!!

Answer: Couples who tickle each other. Loudly. On a regular basis. As though you're not in the room. And as though it's not weird. Cooing, kissing, holding hands. . .all regular displays of affection. The sounds above. . .make for an awkward feeling for others inhabiting the room. Note that.

Miss Have You DOES HAVE more than 2 dimensions

After spending a lot of the holiday weekend in solitude, I've been doing some thinking. I feel really uncomfortable with the exchange that went down between myself and Ejacu-mail last week. It was just a creepy fuckin' exchange. It's caused me to come to a few conclusions:

1) Hot guys are often creeps. Stop liking hot guys so much. Shoot for middle-of-the-road attractive guys.

2) I'd like to say I didn't think about taking him up on his offer. But I did. How did I get to be that person!? Note to self: become a better person.

3) Am I really the type of person I'd like Mr. Right to stumble along and meet right now? I don't know that I am.

4) Why do guys suck so much? I wish things had worked out with Mr. Big, as yet unmentioned in this blog (so I'm stealing a monicker from Sex and the City, sue me). Although he could be a wishy-washy SOB, the only real flaw he had, at the end of the day, was underestimating how perfect for him I really was. Am I ever going to find anyone that good again? Someone who knew him step up and offer some sage advice and tell me I'm being ridiculous (but honestly, if Missues can be in love with her ex, so can I right?. . .or at least be in love with the ideal he failed to meet).

Well, so New Month's Resolutions:

1) Get a change of scenery; go visit somewhere else; I am going to Jacksonville this weekend and Atlanta in a few.

2) Go to church, you heathen. Talked to partner's wife about visiting with them in a couple weeks, when I'm in town. Have heard good things about the church, and partner's wife is COOL AS HELL.

3) Start writing. Besides just on your blog. Maybe take a class or join a group of writers. If you don't really want to be a lawyer, start doing things to enhance your ability to have another job in the future. Aspiring Mystery Novelist, Esq.

4) Stop thinking about guys so much. The ones you're wasting your energy on are worthless. Mr. Worthwhile will find you, just keep your damn eyes open. Forgettuboudit, and put your energy into other things like writing and having fun with the copious amount of fun people you've amassed as friends in this town! Keep in mind also that every guy you meet who's already attached (as they all are in this town) only wants to set you up with someone he knows because they recognize what a cool girl you are. Focus your energy on being more like the person you'd like the man of your dreams to fall in love with. . .and everyone else to fall in love with too. BE a person you'd like to BE FRIENDS WITH, not just go drinking with.

5) Stop going out drinking so much. Put the cocktail down. (Side-benefits include tighter tummy.) Only get buck-wild on occasion; increases efficiency and fun factor of buck-wild escapades. (Disclaimer: Opinionated's visit last weekend was an EXCELLENT excuse to get buck-wild, no regrets there.)

I'm kinda sketchy, but I'M NOT THIS SKETCHY.

So, the guy from the ejacu-mail finally got in touch with me. I don't remember whether I said so explicitly before, although the comments may have revealed this, but he allegedly has a girlfriend. Naively, I'm thinking, you know, obviously, his relationship is on its way out, and I mean, he definitely needs to clear that up before trying to talk to me, but there's no reason we can't talk in the meantime, see if we're liking each other and see what happens. I'm not going to be THAT girl who runs around with a guy who has a girlfriend, but I don't know how much longer this situation is going to last, don't know whether it's already dead in his mind. . .I've certainly been in relationships that were over before I told the other person. . .didn't want to jump to conclusions before talking to him.

Well. . .conclusion jumped to. After several minutes of flirtateous conversation and him leading me to believe very strongly that he didn't see where one situation (his girlfriend) had anything to do with the other (me), I finally just asked him: "You just want to sleep with me, don't you?" "Well. . .yeah."

Join the club, buddy, have you SEEN me??

This guy is BEYOND sketchy. I mean, I gotta give him credit for not being a wolf in sheep's clothing, see this post and the ones leading up to it. This guy's just a wolf. I questioned him relentlessly. . .don't you think this is wrong. . .don't you think it's not a good idea. . .don't you think that maybe you're not happy with your girlfriend and this isn't the right relationship for you maybe? No. None of the above, he "can't find anything wrong" with his relationship with her, he knows he probably has a "problem" with fidelity but he's ONLY cheated on her 2 times in 5 1/2 years, so he thinks that's "pretty good." I said, "You're going to marry this girl in a couple years and cheat on her for the rest of your life." Oh no no no, he assured me MARRIAGE was different and he could resist temptation in that case. Yeah right.

Well, huh? it should make you happy to hear that although I am sexually open-minded and put way too much emphasis on it. . .I am NOT THIS PERSON. Do unto others, you know. . .I can't do this to that POOR, CLUELESS girl, no matter how attracted I WAS to her boyfriend before I figured out what a sleaze he is!

Need a Holiday

Number of days I've worn slacks to work this week because I'm too lazy to shave: 4

Number of minutes, on average, I've been "late" to work this week: 25

Average time I've gotten out of bed this week: 8:35

Average number of times I've cursed my dog for doing her happy "it's time to eat" dance in front of my bedroom door after the alarm went off but before I got out of bed: 7-8

Number of times I've felt grateful she's feeling better this week: 7-8

Number of days in a row I drank last week: 4

Number of days I'll be drinking this weekend: 1-2, maybe.